


As Long As You're You

by g_odalisque13



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Androgyny, Angst, F/F, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Romance, Roommates, Sexuality Crisis, Strap-Ons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 08:33:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7567363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/g_odalisque13/pseuds/g_odalisque13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hooking up with Tae isn't supposed to mean anything. Jongin likes <i>boys</i>. And despite sometimes getting mistaken for one, Tae certainly isn't a boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Long As You're You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the third round of [Nabisonyeo](http://girlexochange.livejournal.com) and originally posted [here](http://girlexochange.livejournal.com/47437.html).

The sound of the headboard hitting the wall was no longer a concern to Jongin, too caught up in the toe curling feeling of the dildo attached to Tae’s harness sliding in and out of her body.

Tae knew how to move her hips just so, making the silicon tip drag over her sensitive front wall on every thrust- undulating against her and making her want to cry out if only she could gather the breath necessary.

Getting fucked with a strap-on by her best friend wasn't something Jongin would have foreseen when they'd decided to get an apartment together after college. Jongin definitely wouldn't have predicted wanting to take part in any sexual act with a girl because she was straight.

Somehow, though, this just worked, unusual as it was.

It had all started one night when Jongin had come home from a bad date. She and Tae had been drinking beer on the couch and half watching something dumb on TV as Jongin complained about how she was never gonna get laid again, it had been so long since she'd been out with anyone decent. 

She'd just been looking for some well earned sympathy. She hadn't expected the thoughtful look on Tae’s face or the glint in Tae’s eye as she set her beer down and sat forward.

“I could help you out,” was what she said, and Jongin hadn't immediately understood. “I have a strap-on,” she'd gone on to clarify, “and I've been told I'm pretty good with my hips.”

Jongin hadn't known if she was kidding or not. Surely she was…

Tae had an exclusive attraction to women as Jongin did to men, and because Jongin didn't share Tae’s proclivities, nothing like this had ever come up before.

Tae’s eyebrows were raised, seemingly waiting for Jongin to respond.

“Uh…” Jongin started, “I like men?”

“So?” Tae shrugged, entirely unconcerned with this fact. “That's what the strap-on is for. It'll be like you're being fucked by a guy with a rubber dick.”

Would that be what it would be like? Jongin didn't really know since she'd never been fucked by a girl before. It seemed...somewhat reasonable.

With her short blonde hair, styled back from her face, and angular body, Tae wasn't all that different from a guy. The biggest difference was that she didn't have a dick. But, as Tae had said, that was what the strap-on was for.

“You know I’d make a handsome guy,” she said, as though she'd been reading Jongin's mind. And it was true, anyway.

Jongin had been with Tae when she'd been mistaken for a guy in public, wearing a baggy t-shirt, skinny jeans, and clunky high tops. Sometimes it was even someone wanting to take Tae, as a boy, on a date. That was always a somewhat entertaining, very awkward exchange to watch.

Plenty of strangers who liked men were interested in Tae. Why should Jongin be any different? Because she knew Tae was a girl, her mind supplied. But still, there was a part of her that was very curious about what it would be like. Would she like it? Would it be like being with a guy?

“Wouldn’t that be...weird?” Jongin had wondered out loud. She felt like she should have been against the idea, but she strangely wasn't. 

“You wouldn't be the first straight girl I've fucked,” Tae had casually informed her.

Jongin hadn’t been able to help her curiosity. “Who?”

“I don't know if you knew her, but Eunsook from college?” 

The name vaguely rang a bell, but Jongin hadn't been able to picture her. She’d shrugged.

“Her boobs were the best things I've ever had my hands on,” Tae had added dreamily before looking back at Jongin expectantly. “So, what do you say?”

Jongin could no longer remember what exactly she'd said, but the next thing she remembered was being pressed against the wall with Tae’s lips insistently against her own and her hands braced beside Jongin's head, caging her in. With her flat chest and narrow hips, it really was similar to kissing a boy. The only thing missing was the erection pressed against her hip.

That was easily remedied when Tae had slipped on her strap-on a few minutes later.

Since that first time, Tae had fucked her probably ten times, each time supremely satisfying. She really _was_ good with her hips. 

Jongin whimpered as Tae sped up her pace, grinding fast and insistent against her as she chased her own end. There was a nub on the harness that made it good for Tae, too, Jongin had learned. And that was good. She didn't want it be just be an act of charity because she hadn't had much luck in the dating department lately. At least it was mutually beneficial.

With a choked cry, Jongin spasmed and came around the toy, pleasure spiking through her as Tae gasped and rode out her own orgasm.

She was still panting, head feeling light and nose tingling, when Tae pulled out and flopped down next to her- skinny chest heaving and ribbed tank sticking to her skin with sweat.

“Good?” Tae asked, turning her head on the pillow and making her blonde hair fall across her sweaty forehead.

Jongin chuckled. “Well, _yeah_.”

Tae grinned, full lips stretching across white teeth.

They rested in silence for a few moments, slowing breathing the only sound, before Tae spoke again.

“Do you wanna get dinner?”

Jongin felt her stomach grumble lightly at the suggestion.

Tae apparently heard too because she laughed and patted Jongin’s belly.

“Pizza?” she suggested, and Jongin was quick to agree.

Heaving herself up, Tae shed the harness and pulled on some underwear and loose basketball shorts, making her way to the kitchen to put in an order at their usual pizza place.

And just like that, it was back to normal. They were best friends and roommates and it was like they hadn't just spent an hour fucking in Tae’s bed. 

Except for the unmistakable satisfaction flowing through Jongin’s limbs that lasted for the rest of the night.

 

\---

 

Jongin had met Tae in college during her second semester of freshman year. They were both studying dance so they were in two dance classes together that semester. Tae was a year ahead of Jongin and she’d decided that she should be the one to help Jongin maneuver in the dance department in the best way possible- which professors were the best, which classes were too easy, which guys she should avoid standing in front of in class because they’d spend the whole time staring at her ass.

The two clicked like they’d known each other their whole lives, and it wasn’t long before Sehun, Jongin’s roommate, was joking that they were each half a person- morphing into one whole monstrosity when they were together.

It had taken only forty minutes of knowing Tae before she'd told Jongin that she was “super fucking gay,” and yeah, given her short hair, loose sweats, and white tank over a constricting sports bra, Jongin wasn't shocked or anything. She didn’t have any lesbian friends, but it had never been an issue. Tae was gay and Jongin was straight and that was that.

Jongin was grateful for Tae’s support when she’d briefly dating a cheating asshole her junior year. And she rather enjoyed hearing about all of Tae’s escapades. For as shy as Tae could sometimes come off upon a first meeting, she had no qualms about going after what, or rather _whom_ , she wanted. 

Promiscuous might have been the most obvious word for Tae’s tendency to sleep around, but it had never been something that Jongin had thought of negatively. It was just how Tae was. Having lots of casual sex wasn't something that fit with Jongin’s personality, but she didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Tae appreciated the lack of judgment from her as well.

Throughout college, Jongin had roomed with Sehun. But even though they'd planned to get an apartment together when they graduated, Sehun ended up getting a job on the other side of the city from the dance school where Jongin had been offered a full time position after teaching part time for two years. Living with Sehun when one or both of them would end up with a bitch of a commute everyday didn't make sense.

Jongin had been about ready to make her peace with having to live alone when Tae had suggested they get an apartment together. 

Having graduated a year prior, Tae had been living in a studio apartment, but her lease was almost up. The bar she worked at was in the same neighborhood as the dance school, and the rest of the time she was going on auditions for dance gigs, so she was all over the place anyway. 

That had been a year and a half prior, and Jongin had been having the time of her life living with Tae. She was so thankful that Tae had offered to look for a two bedroom to share. Jongin definitely preferred being able to come home to a smiling face instead of an empty apartment. 

It had been only four months since Tae had first offered her...assistance, and aside from a few good fucks when Jongin had needed it, nothing had changed.

Roommates with benefits. Was that what they were? Jongin didn’t really know. And no label made sense for them. But that was fine. They didn't need to name their arrangement.

Tae was one of Jongin’s best friends, and she wouldn’t change a thing.

That was all that mattered.

 

\---

 

Jongin squirmed around on the couch, thighs rubbing together and cheeks hot. She was reading a steamy manhwa from her favorite author and the main character was currently spread out on the male protagonist’s bed, begging to be eaten out.

Shifting again, Jongin could feel how slick her panties were with the way they slid against her. She knew she should have read this in her room. Then she could have just let her hand drift down, into her underwear, and relieve the ache that was building between her thighs.

Now, she’d have to get up and...well. She was comfortable. But Tae was due home any minute, so she couldn't just rub one out on the couch. Not that Tae hadn't seen all their was to see before, but Jongin wasn't going to just throw all shame out the window. Tempting as it was.

The sound of the door to the apartment opening a minute later had Jongin glad she hadn’t given in to her urges.

“How was the audition?” Jongin asked when Tae wandered into the kitchen, shoes left by the front door and socked feet sliding against the wood.

“Eh,” Tae shrugged. “It was okay. Probably won’t get the job, but…”

Jongin was about to remind Tae of that time she'd thought she'd bombed an audition and then gotten the part, but Tae spoke again before she could.

“Are you reading sexy things again?” she asked, knowing gleam in her eye and lips quirking.

Flushing, Jongin made a sound in her throat that was needier than she'd intended as she brought the book up to cover her face.

Tae laughed, eyes on her when Jongin lowered the pages she'd been using as a shield. 

“Want any help with that?” Tae asked greasily, teasing but her eyes dark and focused on Jongin’s face.

Despite herself, Jongin felt a strong pulse of want at the suggestion.

“We just...two days ago,” Jongin tried, embarrassed that she had been so obviously aroused that Tae had even had to ask.

“So?” Tae chuckled, the desire in her eyes making Jongin look away with hot cheeks. “Doesn't mean we can't now.”

It was true. There was no rule about how often she was allowed to accept Tae’s offers to get her off. She just felt like..twice so close together was a bit excessive. She shouldn't be wanting so soon.

But she’d already been turned on before Tae had gotten home, and she was throbbing now at the suggestion.

Glancing down at her open manhwa at the illustration of the main character with her head thrown back in pleasure, Jongin made a swift decision.

“Okay,” she said, closing her book and catching Tae’s grin in her periphery as she tossed it onto the coffee table.

It was only those moments between deciding that they were going to fuck and actually starting that Jongin felt uncomfortable, having no idea what to do with herself. But Tae never let those interims drag too long.

Before Jongin could even get up from the couch, Tae was pulling her up with a tight grip around her wrist, yanking Jongin close when she was on her feet to slam their lips together.

Tae’s lips were soft and warm against Jongin’s- insistent and skilled and very, very good at getting Jongin worked up.

“You have to teach a class tonight, don't you?” Tae asked against Jongin’s mouth, fingers already kneading Jongin through the crotch of her pants.

Jongin hummed in response hips rocking to get more of Tae’s touch. Not that Tae was being timid, managing to rub against Jongin’s clit through two layers of fabric.

“‘kay, let’s hurry up then,” Tae said, swallowing Jongin’s moan with one last kiss as she scraped her nails along the fabric of Jongin’s pants over her pussy before pulling back and dragging Jongin behind her to her bedroom.

Panties sliding slick against her with every step, Jongin was more than ready.

 

\---

 

“So?” Tae called out when Jongin had shut their apartment door behind her and was toeing off her shoes with a hand braced against the wall for stability. “How was it?”

“Good,” Jongin said with a lilt in her voice, lips pulling up in a smile seeing Tae sprawled on the couch with her head tilted over the back to look at her.

She'd been on a date with the friend of a friend, her first proper date in months, and Tae had been waggling her eyebrows at her and jokingly giving her seduction advice ever since it had been set up.

It was kind of weird that Tae had suggested she wear her green body con dress, the dress she was currently wearing, when they were flopped together on Tae’s bed after Tae had fucked her a few days before, but it was what it was. It had been a good suggestion, anyway. Her date, Yixing, hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of her when she'd walked into the restaurant.

“Did you sneak off and have sex in the bathroom before dessert?” Tae wanted to know, holding out her open beer and offering Jongin a sip.

“I'm not you,” Jongin laughed, accepting the lukewarm can and taking a swig before handing it back.

“Missed opportunity,” Tae teased, pulling her feet in so Jongin had room to sit down. “But anyway, what was he like?”

“He was really nice,” Jongin said, flopping down in her usual spot and turning to press her feet into Tae’s thigh. “Cute. He has dimples,” she added when Tae looked unimpressed by her description.

“Didja kiss?” she wanted to know, pinching Jongin’s big toe and making her flinch.

“He kissed me on the cheek,” Jongin informed her, pressing the balls of her feet into Tae’s leg when it looked like Tae was going to attack again.

“Booring,” Tae complained, shooting Jongin a winning grin when Jongin gave her a look.

“I’m seeing him again next weekend, so there will be plenty of time for things to be more interesting,” Jongin defended.

“Bathroom fucking?” Tae asked with faux innocence, batting her naturally long eyelashes. 

Jongin rolled her eyes and glanced over at the tv, expecting to see sports or trashy reality tv that had been muted, but she was surprised to see that the screen was black.

“What were you even doing before I came in?” Jongin asked, bemused. “Drinking beer and staring at a blank screen?”

Tae shrugged, jaw tight, before she turned to Jongin with the typical sparkle in her eyes.

“Wouldn't you like to know?” she said, waggling her brows.

Guffawing, Jongin shoved at Tae’s shoulder even though she knew she was full of shit. She'd have recognized the blown look of her eyes and the telltale flush on her cheeks when she’d come in if Tae had actually been up to anything.

Was that weird that she knew that?

Whatever.

“Isn't that modelling show on now that you like?” Tae asked, leaning forward to grab the remote from the coffee table, tank riding up in the back and showing the band of her underwear where it peeked over the edge of her loose shorts.

“Oh yeah!” Jongin enthused. “We can catch the last fifteen minutes. I hope my favorite doesn't go home. If she does, I'm not looking up the rest of the episode online tomorrow.”

Tae laughed. “You get too attached.”

“She’s the best one!” Jongin defended. “She’s pretty _and_ sane!”

“I think you just like lesbians,” Tae informed her with a smirk, turning the volume up when she found the right channel.

“You’ve brainwashed me,” Jongin accused playfully, poking Tae in the shoulder.

Cackling, Tae patted herself on the back.

As it turned out, Jongin’s favorite _did_ get sent home. But Tae comforted her by reminding her that her favorite lesbian was sitting next to her.

Jongin continued to pout, but Tae had a point.

 

\---

 

“What?” Jongin loudly asked, leaning in so she was closer to Sehun to hear.

Bars weren't really Jongin’s favorite place, but Tae liked them, and it was nice to be able to meet up with her other friends to catch up.

Crammed into the booth with her were Sehun and her boyfriend of five months, Joonmyun. Tae and her best bro, Minho, were a few feet away playing darts. From the looks of it, Tae was winning and Minho was Not Pleased.

Every couple weeks, they made a point to all get together, something that had become a reprieve in the midst of all of their busy schedules and semi-adult lives.

“It’s not _that_ loud in here, for fuck’s sake, Jongin,” Sehun said, scooting closer on the pleather seat anyway. “I _said_ , how was your date last night?”

It had been two weeks and two dates since her first date with Yixing, so all of Jongin’s friends were getting curious since things had been going well.

However, they still hadn’t fucked in any bathrooms, or at all, despite Tae asking after every date.

“It was good,” Jongin told her, smiling when she thought of the nice text Yixing had sent her when he'd gotten home, telling her how much fun he’d had and how he hoped to see her again soon. “I think we might go out to dinner this week sometime if we can.”

“Middle of the week dates _and_ weekend dates,” Sehun marvelled, brows jumping. “Getting serious?”

“It's been three dates, Sehun,” Jongin laughed, cheeks heating anyway.

Sehun shrugged. “After three dates with Joonmyun, he wouldn't leave me alone.”

Joonmyun looked away from the TV showing a baseball game to shoot Sehun an amused smile.

“That is _not_ how I remember it,” he added with a chuckle. “I remember you begging me to stay over on a Wednesday night and take the subway home before I had to get ready for work the next morning.”

Sehun waved her hand as though it was all the same.

“So have you had sex yet?” she asked, taking a sip of her tequila sunrise and leaning forward eagerly.

“Why are my friends all perverts?” Jongin whined, shooting a look over at Tae even though she was too busy gloating in Minho’s face to know what was happening in their booth.

“Is that a yes?” Sehun asked hopefully at the same time Joonmyun wondered aloud if Jongin was lumping him in with the rest of her pervert friends.

“No,” Jongin said to Sehun before turning to Joonmyun. “And no. Not that you're not my friend, but you aren't a pervert.”

Joonmyun looked pleased.

“That's where you're wrong,” Sehun informed Jongin, putting a hand on Joonmyun’s knee under the table. “He’s definitely a pervert. I mean. He’s dating _me_. That should be a pretty big give away.” 

Strangely, Joonmyun didn't look any less pleased at that. Maybe slightly embarrassed, but then Tae and Minho were crashing back into their booth and the thread of conversation was lost.

“Minho owes me a drink,” Tae announced happily as Minho muttered something about a technicality. “Anyone else need something? Minho was just about to get me another beer.”

Tae’s smile was blinding, and Jongin couldn't help but grin as well.

“I don't need another one yet,” Minho griped. “Can’t you just go? I’ll give you the money.”

“Winners shouldn’t have to get their own drinks,” Tae informed him cheekily, and Minho scowled.

“I was just gonna go get myself another beer,” Jongin interjected. “Tae, I can get you one too. With Minho's money.”

For as entertaining as Minho's sulking was, she really had been about to get up anyway.

“Thank you,” Minho exulted, reaching into his pocket to retrieve his wallet.

“Aw Jongin, you don't have to,” Tae said, smile now turned on her.

Jongin waved her off, taking the bill Minho offered from across the table and waiting for Tae to slide out so she could get up.

“You know what I want,” Tae said, patting Jongin on the butt as she headed for the bar.

Half heartedly swatting behind her, Jongin laughed, squeezing around a group who were loudly discussing the game in the middle of the floor.

“One Yuengling and a Michelob Ultra,” Jongin requested when she’d flagged down the bartender.

She glanced up at the TV over the bar as she waited, not particularly interested in what was happening on screen.

“Baseball fan?”

Jongin looked over at the question to find a man standing beside her, one hand braced on the scuffed wood of the bar and a smile directed at her.

“Um, not really,” Jongin admitted with a shrug. She looked behind her at her friends, all engaged in conversation and not likely to provide her any out.

The man had only said once sentence, but Jongin wasn't big on talking to strangers, and she’d had enough men in bars try to talk to her that she wasn't eager to continue the exchange. Besides, she was seeing someone, so the man was wasting his time.

She supposed she could have just said that, but she had a hard time being direct. Especially when it included assuming someone's interest. How awkward would it have been if he wasn't even hitting on her and she dismissed him like he was?

“Me neither,” the man laughed, friendly enough, but Jongin was still hoping the bartender would hurry up. “Got dragged here by some friends who are big baseball fans. I’m getting a little bored of all their baseball talk.”

Jongin smiled politely, looking back over at the bartender who was opening Tae’s beer. Thank god.

“You in the same boat?” the man asked.

“Um, well. I guess some of my friends care about the game, but we came to hang out, so…”

“Are you here with a boyfriend?”

Jongin internally grimaced. She was so bad at telling people to go away.

“Um. No. I-”

A familiar arm snaked around her waist, Tae’s chin notching comfortably over her shoulder.

Much of the tension Jongin was holding in her body drained away at Tae’s presence. 

“Hey,” Tae said easily, fingers squeezing at Jongin's hip as she pressed closer. The gesture was intimate and Jongin knew that that was the point. 

“Beers are coming,” Jongin told her, relaxing gratefully against her.

As if on cue, the bartender reappeared with two bottles.

“Yuengling,” he said, and Tae reached out with her free hand to grab her beer, other arm still securely around Jongin’s waist.

Jongin took her beer as well and chanced a look at the guy who had been trying to talk her up. He was eying Tae like he was trying to ascertain if she was a boy or a girl, and if she and Jongin were dating. When someone was insensitive and nosy enough to ask her gender, Tae would always provide them with some vague answer before excusing herself to laugh at how obnoxious people were.

“Ready to get back to the table?” Tae asked, lips almost against Jongin's ear and far too intimate to be just a friendly gesture.

Jongin nodded, tilting her head to acknowledge the guy before she let Tae lead her away like she had many times before when Jongin had been in similar situations.

“Thank you,” Jongin breathed when she fell back into the booth, scooting over so Tae could sit down next to her.

“You need to get better at telling people you aren't interested,” Tae chided, shaking her head as she chuckled. “Or not even _better_ at it. You just have to do it.”

Jongin flapped her hands. “It's hard!” she defended. “I don't want to be rude.”

“So you just hope I'll swoop in and be rude for you,” Tae teased, laughing at Jongin’s sheepish shrug.

“That was quite the swoop, too,” Sehun jumped in, apparently having been watching Tae’s heroic rescue. “Why don’t you guys make out already, geez.”

It was just a joke, but Jongin felt her cheeks get hot immediately, watching Tae smile smugly into her beer out of the corner of her eye. 

Sehun had no idea that Jongin and Tae had made out many times in the past. And quite a bit more. No one knew because surely they would think it was weird. They would certainly imply things that weren’t true. It wouldn’t be easy to get people to understand that she was straight and yet had sex with her female roommate. It was complicated. 

“You _do_ realize that you wouldn’t have beaten me if that guy hadn’t bumped into me when I was throwing the dart that last time,” Minho interjected before Jongin could even begin to think of a reply to Sehun’s statement. Or before Sehun could tease any more. 

“Just accept that I won, Minho,” Tae sing-songed, beaming across the table at the still scowling man. “Sometimes I win things. That’s all there is to it.”

“We should at least have a rematch before we leave,” he insisted, sitting forward like the matter was of utmost importance. 

Tae shrugged, unconcerned. “Okay, but first I want to enjoy my victory beer.”

She sat back, taking a big gulp and sighing in contentment before tossing her arm over the back of the seat, behind Jongin’s shoulders.

That was a good idea, Jongin thought, letting her head rest against Tae’s forearm. The guy from before might still be watching, so it was best to make it believable. 

Besides, Tae’s shoulder was a nice place to rest her head when she got tired and the group wasn’t ready to go home yet.

She was lucky that Tae didn’t mind. 

 

\---

 

“Some of the people in my dorm freshman year were...not so bright,” Yixing said with a laugh, leaning back in his chair to give the waiter more room to clear his dish. It was Jongin’s fifth date with Yixing, and they’d opted for a nicer restaurant this time. And with Yixing mentioning at the beginning of the date that he wasn’t seeing anyone else, Jongin felt like things were definitely moving forward. “I think the fire alarm must have gone off ten times throughout the school year, and most of the time it was from people who managed to burn something in the microwave.”

Jongin snorted. “That’s some pretty serious microwave misuse,” she agreed, and Yixing laughed, dimples even more pronounced in the low light of the restaurant. “My worst college fire alarm experience was when I lived on the twenty-fourth floor. The alarm went off, and technically you aren’t supposed to go downstairs when you live in a tall building unless they specifically tell you to, but I just wanted to be sure. My college roommate was out, and Tae, the girl I live with now, was there. She didn’t want to go down, but I was getting nervous, so we walked down twenty-four flights.”

“Oh yeah, because you can’t use elevators during a fire,” Yixing said, looking sympathetic already. 

“It gets worse,” Jongin told him, grinning at the way his eyebrows jumped. “We got downstairs and there were a bunch of other people there, too. When whatever it was had been fixed, they said we could go back up, but some sprinklers had flooded something so the elevators were out of service.”

Yixing gaped. “So you walked up all twenty four floors?”

“Yep,” Jongin confirmed. “We were so tired and sweaty by the time we got back up. Tae was so mad at me that I’d insisted we go down in the first place.” 

Jongin laughed at the recollection of Tae glaring at her as she chugged a bottle of water, hair sticking to her forehead with perspiration. She’d tackled her onto the couch, and Jongin had yelped and complained about Tae getting her all sweaty even though she had been sweaty to begin with. Sehun had come home to find both of them sprawled on the floor of the living room, watching a movie and looking a lot worse for wear. In retrospect, it had actually been a pretty good night. But any night hanging out with Tae was a good night. Even if it involved excessive stair climbing.

“That makes me think of when my family went on vacation and we went to this famous lighthouse. My mom wanted to go to the top and I think there were 250 stairs or something. Which isn’t that bad compared to twenty four flights,” he added with a knowing smile. “But no one else wanted to climb them, so it was just my mom and I. It was a really beautiful view, though.”

“Oh! Speaking of sightseeing in high places!” Jongin said, sitting forward in her seat, and enjoying how Yixing looked genuinely interested in what she was going to say. She’d been on so many dates where the guy spent the entire date just talking to her boobs. Or they seemed like they were just putting in the necessary time as they listened to Jongin talk, probably hoping if they listened enough, she would want to sleep with them. “Right after college, Tae really wanted to go on a trip, so we ended up going up north to the mountains. There was an observation deck on one of the tallest ones, and it’s really high up!”

Yixing nodded, taking a sip of his water, and waiting for her to continue. 

“For some reason, Tae thought it would be a good idea to sit on one of the railings that enclosed the deck because she wanted a good picture or something,” Jongin chuckled, shaking her head fondly. “I don’t know why she thought sitting on a railing on a really tall mountain was a good idea. She could have fallen! I was telling her to get down and the people next to us were telling her, too. And Tae was just laughing when she got down. Like we were all out of our minds and like she hadn’t just almost fallen off a mountain.” 

Yixing snickered and Jongin flopped against the table to illustrate how maddening it had been to try to reason with Tae and try to get her to stop doing stupidly dangerous things that she, for whatever reason, didn’t classify as particularly risky.

“She sounds like a character,” Yixing observed, smiling at Jongin across the table and making Jongin’s heart skip a little at the way he was looking at her. “I hope I can meet her at some point.”

That was a normal thing that would happen. She would introduce the guy she was dating to her roommate at some point. But all of the sudden, Jongin couldn’t get the image of Tae over her- glassy eyes trying to focus on Jongin’s face as she fucked her- out of her head. It wasn’t as though Tae was going to tell Yixing about all the sex they’d had. And Yixing certainly wouldn’t have been able to guess just from shaking Tae’s hand or something. 

Jongin tried to push her uneasiness down. She was being stupid. That was a perfectly reasonable thing for Yixing to say.

“I’m sure you will,” Jongin told him, returning his smile, and relaxing as Yixing launched into a story about going skiing with his college roommate.

She didn’t need to be thinking about Tae right then.

Until she started her next story on the way out of the restaurant about how Tae was currently dead set on learning to snowboard. But it was relevant, so it wasn’t weird. 

It wasn’t her fault that most of her stories involved Tae. She was just...always there. And Jongin didn’t see that changing any time soon.

 

\---

 

Yixing’s apartment was nice. Contemporary with clean lines and neutral colors with little personal touches that gave it a welcoming feeling. It was comfortable and Jongin could definitely picture herself relaxing with Yixing on the couch to watch a movie. Or maybe eating takeout in his kitchen, looking out at the lights of the city through the windows as soft acoustic music played in the background.

Right then, however, Jongin wasn't doing either of those things. Right then, Jongin was straddling Yixing’s strong thighs as he leaning back against the headboard of his bed, lips moving against Jongin’s and hands kneading her ass.

They had just gotten back from their sixth date, seeing a movie followed by an evening stroll through the neighborhood around Yixing’s apartment.

Six dates, and until then, they hadn't done more than share a few prolonged kisses at the entrance to Jongin’s building when Yixing dropped her off. Tae thought she was nuts, but Jongin preferred to have an emotional connection before she slept with someone. The opposite of Tae, really, who slept with whomever, whenever, whether she knew more than their first name or not. Maybe not even that, sometimes. 

But that was Tae, and Jongin liked to get to know the person she was going to sleep with first. Which was why, after six dates, Jongin was finally feeling more than ready to take the next step.

She could feel herself pulsing as she moved in Yixing’s lap, his erection pressing tantalizingly against her through his pants and her skirt and underwear.

Though she'd masturbated just a few days before, it had been weeks since she'd had sex. Admittedly, a few weeks wasn't very long, but she'd gotten used to sex regularly thanks to Tae, and since she'd been seeing Yixing, she and Tae hadn't fucked. She was so, so ready for this.

“Can I?” Yixing asked, hand sliding against her inner thigh and leaving prickles of sensitivity in its wake.

“Yes,” Jongin breathed, sighing helplessly when Yixing let his fingers trail up to drag against the damp spot on her underwear.

Jongin rocked into the touch, groaning against Yixing’s lips as he kneaded her through her underwear. 

“Please,” she said, and Yixing was quick to give her more- sliding a hand beneath her underwear to tease her folds. 

Yixing moaned as he fingered her, one slender digit and then two pumping into her and making Jongin nearly ride his hand with how much she wanted to get fucked. 

“I have condoms,” Yixing breathlessly told her, eyes intense as they focused on her, fingers still moving inside of her and making her gasp, “if you want…”

“Yes, yes,” Jongin confirmed immediately, pressing her lips to his one, two, and then three times. “Please.”

Yixing took his time, carefully undressing her and helping her to lay back against the pillows before kissing gingerly down her neck, collarbones, and breasts.

Though Jongin liked to get to know someone before having sex, she wasn’t concerned about an ideal and memorable first time. She was just going to enjoy the sex more if she had an emotional attachment. So while Yixing’s slow lead up was enjoyable in its own way, Jongin kind of wished he'd hurry up because it had been too, too long since she'd been fucked.

“Ready?” Yixing asked when he was braced over her, pale skin turning a warmer hue in the low light.

Yes, yes, so fucking ready.

Jongin arched up into him, breasts brushing against his bare chest as he guided his latex covered length into her.

So long since she'd had a real dick inside her. So long since she'd done this.

Yixing pressed inside her and Jongin groaned, knees bracketing his hips and head tossed back as she enjoyed the feeling of being full.

“Okay?” he asked, fully inside of her and waiting for the go ahead.

Tae never asked anymore. Not because she didn’t care about how Jongin was feeling but because she could tell from the pitch of her gasps, from the angle at which she held her hips. 

“Yes,” Jongin replied, tone tremulous from how much she needed.

Yixing pulled out and then thrust back in, forcing a wheezing moan out of Jongin’s throat. _Yes, like that_.

As she clutched at his shoulders, he picked up the pace- fucking into her with finesse. If it hadn’t been for Tae, he certainly would have been the best sex she’d had in a long time, but there was no denying that Tae knew how to move, that she knew exactly how to have Jongin falling apart with her hips. 

But Yixing was good, too. His thrusts were powerful but controlled. Hard but smooth. Jongin tilted her hips so the head of his cock was brushing against her g-spot and his pelvic bone ground into her clit.

His eyes were blown as he looked down at her, expression focused as he chased the pleasure they were both feeling. 

Jongin couldn’t help that her mind conjured the image of Tae above her, lips puffy from kissing, eyes dark and boring into her own. It was like Tae was using every available ounce of energy to stay in the moment, to know that it was Jongin that she was with so she could tailor her movements to make Jongin lose her mind.

It wasn’t fair to compare though, because Tae had the advantage of knowing Jongin’s body, knowing her personality, knowing her mind. This was Yixing’s first foray into sex with Jongin, so he had to learn as he went. And he was certainly doing a fantastic job, his thrusts having tight heat coiling in Jongin’s belly.

“Are you close?” he asked, voice soft, but strained- sweat starting to bead on his forehead. 

“Getting there,” Jongin huffed out, eyes closing when Yixing started to move faster. 

His lips danced over the skin of her throat, the junction of her neck and shoulder, her jaw.

Jongin tightened around him and felt the puff of air against the side of her neck as his hips stuttered. 

She could feel it when Yixing came, his hips grinding hard into hers as he groaned against her skin and shuddered above her. Prickles of arousal skittered down her spine, and as Yixing forced himself to keep moving through his orgasm, Jongin teetered and found her own release as well.

Her toes were tingling as Yixing pulled out, face flushed and bangs wet as he took off the condom and tied it off to throw it away. 

Sighing in contentment, Jongin stretched out on the sheets and smiled when Yixing flopped down next to her.

“Good?” he asked, lips curling up tiredly.

“Very,” Jongin replied, accepting the soft kiss he pressed to her mouth. 

She kind of wanted to stay where she was, comfortable and warm. But Tae would be wondering where she was. 

Maybe next time.

 

\---

 

Jongin closed the door to her apartment softly behind her. Not because she was trying to remain unnoticed, but because her head was pounding. 

After dinner, she had planned to go back to Yixing’s apartment, but despite the pain killers she’d taken with her food, her headache wasn’t letting up. 

Yixing had understood, insisting on getting her a cab home and kissing her gently on the forehead before she got into the vehicle. The nice gesture had Jongin’s chest feeling warm, but it wasn’t enough to overshadow the throbbing in her temples. 

“Jongin?” Tae called as Jongin stepped out of her shoes. “You home already?”

Tae appeared around the corner, brows pinched in confusion.

“Everything okay?” she asked.

“Headache,” Jongin explained, shuffling past Tae toward the living room to sink down onto the couch. 

Turning off the TV, Tae joined her.

“Sorry,” Jongin mumbled, eyes closed and fingertips pressing against her forehead. “I didn't mean to interrupt. I can go to my room.”

“No, it's okay,” Tae said softly, shifting next to her and starting to gently massage Jongin’s neck.

Jongin relaxed into the touch, humming appreciatively. Her head still hurt, but the loosening of muscles under Tae’s ministrations helped to make it less severe.

They were both quiet as Tae worked to help Jongin relax, fingers digging into tight muscles in her neck and shoulders, and Jongin was touched by Tae’s attention and concern. She kept thinking that Tae was going to get up and wander away, but she didn’t- she stayed by Jongin’s side until Jongin finally cracked her eyes open roughly thirty minutes later.

“It’s getting better,” Jongin told her, sitting up a little straighter on the couch and turning to shoot Tae a smile. “Thank you.”

Tae beamed. “No problem. Can I do anything else for you?”

Jongin shook her head, leaning against Tae and letting her temple rest on her shoulder. 

“Want me to paint your toenails?” Tae asked after they had lapsed back into silence for a few more minutes. Despite her head still hurting a bit, Jongin found herself laughing in surprise at the offer.

Not only was it random for the moment, Tae never even painted her own nails or toenails. To Jongin’s knowledge, nail painting was not something that Tae was even remotely interested in, so she couldn’t fathom why, all of the sudden, she wanted to paint Jongin’s toenails. 

“Have you been watching lesbian porn meant for guys, again?” Jongin teased, figuring that something so cliched would probably only happen in that context. Painting each other’s nails and having pillow fights that led to sex. Sounded like bad porn to Jongin.

Tae cackled.

“No,” she told Jongin on a laugh, eyes crinkling. “You were just saying you needed to do it yesterday, so I thought I’d offer. Since you don’t feel good and all.”

Oh yeah. She had, hadn’t she?

“Can I?” Tae asked, eager for whatever reason.

Jongin chuckled, shrugging. “If you want.”

 

“What color?” she asked, getting up from the couch. 

“I was gonna do the lilac one with the shimmer,” Jongin said. “I can go get it-”

“I got it,” Tae assured her, disappearing into Jongin’s room and coming back with the nail polish in hand a moment later.

Sitting back down next to Jongin on the couch, Tae pulled one of Jongin’s feet into her lap.

“Sorry if my feet smell…” Jongin tried, self conscious.

Tae sniffed the air and screwed up her face as though she’d smelled something horrible before she grinned. “I don’t smell anything.”

Jongin dug her heel into Tae’s thigh for revenge but kept still when Tae unscrewed the nail polish.

Very carefully, Tae touched the brush to Jongin’s big toe, painting an uneven stroke that ended up partly on her skin. Jongin snorted.

“It’s my first time painting toes!” Tae defended, dipping the brush back in the polish and determinedly trying again with much the same results. 

Finally, after refilling the brush three times, Jongin’s big toenail was fully covered, though so was much of the skin around it.

“You’re the worst ever at this,” Jongin laughed, forgetting about her headache entirely as she watched Tae concentrate, lower lip sucked into her mouth and brows furrowed like she was trying to understand some complicated theorem. 

“I’m trying,” Tae pouted, smearing lilac polish over the entire top half of Jongin’s little toe. 

It felt nice to be taken care of like that, even if the results were somewhat questionable. 

“Ta da!” Tae announced, screwing the nail polish closed with a flourish after finishing both feet. 

There was probably as much color on Jongin’s skin as there was on her nails, but all of her toenails _were_ painted. That had to count for something. 

“That was an experience,” Jongin told her with a laugh. “Thank you.”

“I’d say anytime, but...maybe you should paint your own toenails next time,” Tae said, surveying her handiwork. 

“Maybe I’ll paint _your_ toenails next time,” Jongin teased and Tae wrinkled her nose.

“I’ll think about it,” she said, and Jongin smiled. 

She still had a slight headache, but the evening had turned out not to be a total bust. It had actually been pretty fun.

“Want me to pluck your eyebrows?” Tae joked, wiggling hers around menacingly.

Jongin laughed. “Not a chance.”

 

\---

 

“What the hell happened to your feet?” Sehun asked judgmentally, sitting down at the table by the window they’d chosen and arranging her sandwich and drink in front of her. “Did you paint your toenails drunk?”

“Huh?” Jongin wondered before realizing what Sehun was talking about. “Oh. No,” she laughed. “Tae did them.”

“I can tell,” Sehun said, tightening her ponytail and brushing her dark bangs out of her eyes. “Why exactly?”

“I came home from my date with Yixing early last night because I had a headache,” Jongin explained. “Tae just offered. It was an interesting experience.”

Jongin poked her sandal-clad foot out from under the table to look at her toes, smiling fondly when she saw the smudged polish.

“You make interesting life choices,” Sehun observed before changing gears. “So, how’s it going with Yixing? You’ve had sex, right? Tell me about it!”

“Sehun!” Jongin admonished, blushing behind her sandwich. “Is that all you care about?”

“It’s not _all_ I care about,” Sehun said, spearing a strawberry from her fruit salad with her fork. “But I _do_ want to hear about it.”

Jongin grumbled, taking a bite of her sandwich to stall. 

“How many times? Where? Is he good?”

“Just twice,” Jongin said when she’d swallowed her food and Sehun was still staring at her like she wasn’t planning on blinking until Jongin answered. “His place since he doesn’t have a roommate. And yes.”

“Details!” Sehun insisted, reaching across the table to smack Jongin on the arm.

“I’m not gonna give you a play by play!” Jongin told her, glancing around to make sure no one was listening in. It was embarrassing enough as it was. 

“Why not?” Sehun pouted. She was very good at it, but after living with her for four years, Jongin was mostly immune. She wondered if Joonmyun was as susceptible as most people. Probably. Poor guy. 

“Because that’s awkward,” Jongin insisted. “At least Tae doesn’t want details. She just keeps asking if we’ve fucked in the bathroom of the restaurant or movie theatre or wherever.”

“Well, of course _Tae_ doesn’t want details,” Sehun said, rolling her eyes. “She doesn’t like dicks. But _I_ do! So?”

Jongin shot her a look. “I am not going to tell you about his dick!” she hissed, ears hot. “It’s just. A dick. Geez, Sehun.”

Sehun cackled, seeming to find as much enjoyment in Jongin’s embarrassment as she would have if Jongin had actually provided her with the kind of details she wanted. 

“No fun,” Sehun chided, taking a sip of her iced tea. “If you ever want to know about Joonmyun’s dick…”

“No thanks, I’m good,” Jongin quickly interjected, and Sehun laughed, waggling her eyebrows.

The topic was dropped, thankfully, as they both focused on their lunch.

As Jongin was finishing off her sandwich, Sehun spoke again- this time tone much less playful.

“Do you ever think there’s another reason why Tae doesn’t want the details about your sexcapades?” Sehun asked, a thoughtful look on her face.

Jongin frowned. “Besides not liking men? What do you mean? Like what?”

“Like…” Sehun paused. “Do you think she might like you?”

Frown deepening, Jongin tried to figure out why Sehun would think that.

“Just because she likes girls doesn’t mean she likes me,” Jongin pointed out. “It’s not like you or I like every guy we come into contact with.”

“I know,” Sehun said. “But you’re not just any girl. You guys are super close. And at the bar that time…”

“When she saved me from that guy who was hitting on me?”

Sehun nodded.

“She was doing that because she knows I’m not good at telling people I’m not interested. It was a favor,” Jongin defended.

“Yeah, but it was pretty intimate looking. Like, it came so naturally for her to just hold onto you like that,” Sehun shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s normal for you guys. I was just wondering.”

Jongin paused. She couldn’t just explain to Sehun why being physically intimate came naturally between them. If Sehun knew that they’d had sex, she would _definitely_ think that Tae liked her. But it wasn’t _like_ that. It was just friends helping each other out. 

She supposed she could see why Sehun would think what she did, but she just didn’t understand how Jongin and Tae functioned. It was a unique friendship, Jongin had to admit. But it was just that- _friendship_.

“I don’t think,” Jongin started, trailing off before she tried again. “It’s just how she is. How we are. I don’t think she likes me as any more than a friend. She’s been the biggest cheerleader for me dating Yixing. She doesn’t- not like that.”

“Okay,” Sehun shrugged. “You know better than I do.”

Jongin nodded. And then nodded again more decisively. 

She did know better. She and Tae were just friends. That was all.

 

\---

 

Jongin heaved a sigh, sinking back on the couch and spooning some more ice cream into her mouth. 

Some reality show about the wilderness was playing on TV, but Jongin wasn't really paying attention. Some woman cut herself with an axe, and that caught her attention for a second, but then she was back to zoning out, wondering what was wrong with her.

Her heart was heavy, yet she couldn’t regret what she had done. She didn't understand why, but it had been the right decision.

Yixing was wonderful. He’d been nothing but sweet, attentive, interesting...the sex had been good, too. But there had just been something in the back of her mind that kept bugging her, telling her that there was something missing. She’d enjoyed dating Yixing, but her gut told her that she shouldn't allow it to become serious because it was going to have to end, and it was better to end it before they both got more invested.

When Jongin had told him over lunch that she thought they should stop seeing each other, Yixing had been understandably surprised. And Jongin felt awful to have been the one to give him bad news. But she’d had to do it. She couldn’t put her finger on exactly why, which made it even more difficult to explain to Yixing because she couldn't even explain it to herself, but it had been the right thing.

In a sense, she was relieved. She’d done what she'd had to do. It was done. But she was also sad. She was going to miss spending time with Yixing. He had been good company.

“I’m starving!” Tae announced, banging into the apartment and kicking off her shoes. “Wanna get pizza?”

Jongin looked up from her pint of ice cream.

“Why are you eating ice cream at 5:30?” Tae demanded, dropping down onto the couch next to her. “Did you already eat? Will you eat some of the pizza anyway?”

“I broke up with Yixing,” Jongin said around a mouthful. “And yes, I will.”

Tae’s brows shot up, big eyes even wider than usual. “You did? Why?”

Jongin shrugged, almost going for another bite of ice cream before remembering that they were gonna get pizza and setting down it down on the coffee table instead. She sighed. “I dunno. I just. I felt like something was missing, you know?”

Tae nodded. “You okay?”

“A little bummed, but...yeah.”

Jongin was grateful that Tae wasn't the talk-about-feelings type. She didn't really feel like elaborating right then. Especially because she didn't know how to.

Tae patted her shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze before she was pulling up the food ordering app on her phone and asking Jongin what she wanted. 

The distraction was welcome, so Jongin heaved herself up and leaned into Tae’s side to look at the screen and pick her toppings. 

She knew that Tae would be there to listen if she wanted to talk about it, but she wouldn’t force her to, which was nice. 

What was also nice ws splitting a large pizza, having a few beers each, and trying to make up new dance routines to pop songs from their childhood. 

Things with Yixing may not have worked out, but Jongin was far from lonely. 

 

\---

 

“D’you wanna ride me?” Tae asked, blonde hair askew, harness in place, and lips puffy from kissing.

Jongin flushed at the straightforwardness of the question.

They'd been back at it since two days after Jongin had broken up with Yixing. Tae had quirked a brow at Jongin during a commercial break, and Jongin had immediately felt a rush of heat through her body.

It had been a week and a half since then and they'd had sex three...four times. Maybe it was a little excessive, but...it was just so _good_. That first time after she'd ended things with Yixing, Jongin had felt like a woman starved. It wasn't as though she hadn't gotten off in all that time, but Tae knew just how to play her body like an instrument and Jongin had been out of her mind with pleasure.

“Do you have to make it sound so dirty?” Jongin grumbled, moving so Tae could lay down flat- purple dildo sticking up crudely from her pelvis and her white tank top pulling tight against her stomach. 

With her nearly flat chest covered and her fake cock, it was almost like she was a guy. This was how it always was. If she could just explain this, their situation would surely seem less weird.

“How else should it sound?” Tae wondered, laughing at Jongin’s embarrassed huffing as she got settled over her.

The dildo brushed against Jongin’s arousal, and she shivered- spreading her thighs, knees braced on either side of Tae’s hips, and guiding the length of the toy inside of herself.

She groaned as she sunk down, body accommodating the silicon and clenching down when she was fully seated.

“Is this gonna be good for you, too?” Jongin breathlessly worried, not knowing whether Tae would find pleasure in this position.

“Yeah,” Tae gusted out, hands reaching out to hold onto Jongin's waist. “When you move, it’ll move against me. And if it isn't as good, we can change position, okay?”

Jongin nodded, thighs flexing as she lifted up to drop back down again- a pleased little sigh escaping at the toy dragging against her walls.

Tae’s hands tightened on her hips as Jongin began to ride her in earnest, helping her move and keep her balance.

“Fuck, Jongin,” Tae groaned, her own hips twitching up and driving the toy into Jongin harder. “You look so fucking good like this.”

Jongin shivered in surprise, ears burning.

“What?” Tae asked on a breathless chuckle. “You know I like girls, and I obviously find you attractive enough to have offered to fuck you in the first place. I know you're straight, but I'm only human and I'm not blind. Don't be so surprised.”

She had a point. It wasn't as though she hadn't known all of that. She'd just never thought about it before, was all. Tae had never complimented her like that during sex before. It made sense that Tae was attracted to her to some extent. But it had her skin feeling hot anyway.

“You’re embarrassing,” Jongin grumbled, shooting Tae a look when she chuckled at Jongin’s self-consciousness.

“Put your hands above my shoulders and lean over,” Tae instructed, bending her knees and bracing her feet on the bed as Jongin complied. 

“ _Oh_ ,” she gasped when Tae drove her hips up and fucked into her hard. 

With Tae keeping up a swift pace, Jongin let her head fall forward, body jerking with every jolt of pleasure that ran through her. 

Tae moaned brokenly, so Jongin assumed that this felt even better for her too. 

One hand gripping her ass to hold her in place as she fucked her, Tae reached up with her free hand and cupped one of Jongin’s breasts- bouncing against her palm with the force of Tae’s thrusts. 

Jongin’s breath got caught in her throat as her nipple, peaked and sensitive, brushed continually against the soft skin of Tae’s hand.

Back when they’d first started fooling around, Jongin had left her bra on- too self conscious to be completely nude in front of one of her best friends. But after Tae had realized how responsive Jongin was to any contact against her nipples and started sliding her hand under the constricting material anyway, Jongin just let Tae take her bra off. 

Though Tae still kept a shirt on. Probably to keep up the illusion that-

Tae pinched Jongin’s nipple and Jongin let out a yelp, body fluttering around the toy moving in and out of her. She was close and Tae knew it- looking up at Jongin with blown eyes and a quirk to her lips that said she knew she was absolutely wrecking Jongin. Though she was clearly pretty far gone herself. 

“Come on,” Tae urged, voice breathy and unstable. “Come for me.”

Jongin whimpered, eyes squeezing shut as she felt herself teetering on the precipice of orgasm. 

There wasn’t usually this much talking when they were having sex. Not after the first time when Tae had been trying to get a feel of what Jongin liked. 

_Dirty talk_ , her mind supplied. That was what it was. Jongin wasn’t used to it from Tae. From anyone, really. No boyfriend she’d had in the past had been prone to it. Tae, though...Tae was good at it. It was obvious she was practiced. She probably had lots of girls falling apart from her breathy commands and praises. It must have been very effective on the girls she hooked up with, Jongin thought.

Tae gasped out what might have been Jongin’s name as her hips stuttered and she ground up into Jongin as she came.

It was the next second when Jongin was bowled over by her own pleasure- mind blanking and surging as it washed over her and left her with ringing ears and tingling toes.

Jongin lifted herself off the strap-on as soon as she found the strength to do so, laying down next to Tae and feeling even more out of sorts than usual. She _had_ come pretty hard.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Tae asked after another moment of catching her breath, turning her head on the pillow to look at Jongin.

Damp, blonde strands clung to her temples and pink was still dusted over her cheeks, though her eyes were bright and clear.

Jongin pressed her face into the pillow, smelling Tae’s shampoo.

“Nap, then?” Tae asked with a chuckle, patting Jongin gently on the bare shoulder.

A nap _did_ seem like a good idea. Jongin nodded.

Tae didn’t get up like Jongin expected her to. Instead, she pulled the covers over both of them and hooked an ankle around Jongin’s under the sheets. 

They’d never taken a nap after sex together before.

But this _was_ Tae’s bed. And Jongin _was_ awfully sleepy. 

It wasn’t long before Jongin was dozing off with Tae’s warmth against her side and the smell of her shampoo in the air.

 

\---

 

Jongin barely avoided stubbing her toe against her doorframe as she shuffled out into the kitchen to get breakfast. She had an hour before she had to be at the studio to teach, but since it was still early, Jongin was nowhere near awake.

Cereal maybe. She really wished she liked coffee because that would probably help her feel more alert in the mornings.

Headed to the cupboard for a bowl, Jongin stopped in her tracks when she found a person already rummaging through the cabinet. It was a person, but it wasn’t Tae.

Mind sleep-logged, Jongin just blinked. Perhaps she should have been alarmed that there was a stranger in her apartment. But she wasn’t awake enough to even process it.

As she stood there, staring, the figure turned around, surprised by Jongin’s presence for only a second before she smiled. Too awake for this hour. Too friendly for this hour.

Jongin blinked.

“You must be Jongin,” the woman said, pink lips stretched across straight, white teeth. Her hair was platinum, even brighter than Tae’s, with pink tips, and it was pulled back in a messy ponytail. Even without makeup, she was stunning, and some corner of Jongin’s mind that was somewhat conscious worried that she looked awful in comparison. “I’m Gwiboon. Sorry if I'm in your way. Tae said you'd probably be up soon since you have to work.”

Tae. Tae lived here too, and this woman, Gwiboon, was connected to Tae in some way. 

Tae’s t-shirt. Jongin finally registered that Gwiboon was in one of Tae’s old t-shirts from college. And a pair of her oversized athletic shorts.

“Morning, sunshine,” Tae sang, entering the kitchen in a ribbed tank and a pair of sweats. She patted Jongin on the shoulder and laughed, presumably at Jongin's confused and half asleep state.

“I introduced myself,” Gwiboon said with when Tae turned to her, “but I don't know if she even heard me.”

“Jongin won't be aware of her surroundings for at least another three hours,” Tae teased. 

Jongin rubbed her eyes, trying to shake the sleep from her mind. “I- sorry,” she said, voice croaky. “I heard you. I’m still…”

“Sleeping,” Tae finished for her, grinning at her fondly.

Jongin nodded.

“No worries,” Gwiboon assured her, smiling at her before pouring coffee into the mug she’d been retrieving when Jongin had walked in.

It was illogical and unfounded, but Jongin was kind of annoyed. She just wanted to eat breakfast in peace and now she had to be _social_.

“Don't worry, we're going back to my room as soon as Gwiboon gets her coffee,” Tae promised, knowing just what Jongin had been thinking.

Well, that was good. Jongin watched as Tae teasingly patted Gwiboon’s butt as she passed her on her way back to Tae’s room.

“See you after your class,” Tae said, pulling Jongin’s eyes away from the place Gwiboon had been seconds before.

Jongin returned Tae’s smile before finally continuing her path to the cupboard for a bowl.

Only when she heard the bedroom door close did Jongin relax. 

That had been disconcerting. 

It wasn’t as though she didn’t know that Tae hooked up with girls. And fairly often. But she didn't usually bring them back to their place. The few times she had, Jongin had never run into one, especially when she’d been half asleep. She'd known the couple of girls Tae had dated somewhat seriously, though it had been a while.

Well, weird as it had been, it was fine. Jongin had gotten through the interaction and now it was over. Even if she'd made a bad impression, she would probably never see Gwiboon again anyway.

It didn’t matter.

As she got ready to teach, Jongin wondered if Tae would want to watch a movie later. Maybe get some takeout. That would be fun.

Letting herself out of the apartment, Jongin smiled at the thought.

 

\---

 

"Good morning, Jongin."

Jongin looked up from her sock-covered feet to see Gwiboon standing in the kitchen, hip leaning against the edge of the counter, one of Tae's huge sweatshirts sliding off one shoulder, and a cup of steaming coffee in her hands.

The surprise and confusion of finding someone not Tae in her apartment in the morning had worn off after the second time it had happened. This was the sixth. And the third time this week. Jongin had almost started to expect to see Gwiboon when she had to be up early to teach. 

Gwiboon, it turned out, worked as an assistant editor at a fashion magazine, so she had to be up early five days a week compared to Jongin's two. Based on her ability to function at seven in the morning, it seemed that she had become used to waking up early, if she hadn't been already. Jongin on the other hand...at least Gwiboon appeared to be understanding of the fact that Jongin was _not_ a morning person. 

Having Gwiboon around, in the kitchen in the mornings and sometimes in the evenings too, wasn't a bad thing. Jongin quite liked her, actually. Despite her poise and ability to look like a million bucks in absolutely anything, she wasn't afraid to be ridiculous, and her loud laughter was usually a welcome addition to a night in watching movies. 

The thing was...this was kind of unknown territory. The last time Tae had actually kept someone around long enough for Jongin to learn their name, they had been in college. And in college, Jongin and Tae hadn't lived together. It was a whole new experience to be around the girl Tae was seeing so much. 

The good news was that Gwiboon was pretty cool. The bad news was that Jongin felt like a third wheel a lot. 

The other bad news was that Jongin's source of sex had been cut off.

That seemed like a pretty selfish thing to think, but it was what it was. 

When Jongin had asked about Tae's and Gwiboon's status after seeing Gwiboon in the kitchen when she was trying to get to her cereal for the third time, Tae had said that she really liked Gwiboon and that she was planning to see her again. 

There had been no use of any labels. Tae hadn't said that Gwiboon was her girlfriend or that they were exclusive, but it was pretty clear that there wasn't really room for Jongin in whatever it was that they were. And that was fine. That was fair. Tae hadn't had Jongin as a convenient outlet when she'd been dating Yixing. And Jongin was really happy for Tae that she'd found someone she liked enough to spend so much time with. 

Jongin was allowed to be the teeniest bit bummed that she had only her own fingers when she came to a dirty scene in one of her manhwas, but that was life. She'd live. It was fine. 

"Morning," Tae greeted, joining the two of them in the kitchen. She seemed nearly as asleep as Jongin that morning. Though if the noises Jongin had heard through the walls were any indication, they hadn't exactly gone to sleep early. 

Tae walked in front of Jongin to get to the fridge, and eve half asleep, Jongin couldn't miss the huge, purple hickey adorning the side of Tae's neck, nor the smattering of lighter little marks that trailed down to her collarbone. 

Flushing, Jongin looked away, examining some crumbs on their countertop as she waited for Tae to move so she could get some milk.

“Morning,” Gwiboon chuckled as Tae sidled up next to her, pressing her face into Gwiboon's neck.

Gwiboon ran her fingers through Tae’s hair, letting her stay where she was as she sipped her coffee. 

It wasn't like they were making out, but Jongin felt like she was intruding on a private moment. Her neck prickled as her stomach swooped uncomfortably.

Taking her bowl and spoon, Jongin quickly scooted past them to get to the kitchen table, sitting facing away from the couple.

“Jongin, do you want me to put water on for tea?” Gwiboon asked. And that was really nice of her. She knew that Jongin didn't like coffee and sometimes had tea in the morning.

Craning her head around, Jongin watched as Tae whined in protest of Gwiboon moving, wrapping her arms around her Gwiboon's waist and pressing her face more aggressively against her neck.

Making eye contact with Jongin, Gwiboon playfully rolled her eyes as she patted Tae on the head.

“No, it's okay. Thanks,” Jongin told her, shooting her a grateful smile. 

“Okay, let me know if you change your mind in the next couple minutes,” she said, and Jongin nodded, looking back at her cereal- milk starting to soak into the little o’s. 

Sometimes Jongin wanted to be annoyed that Gwiboon was there all the time. It was _Jongin's_ apartment as much as Tae’s, but it was kind of impossible to stay annoyed when Gwiboon was so likable. Which was annoying in itself.

But she chalked that all up to being grouchy in the morning. She knew that Tae would stop bringing Gwiboon around if Jongin told her it bothered her. But it didn't not really. Not for any real reason. And Jongin liked Gwiboon, so there was nothing to complain about.

It was fine.

 

\---

 

A loud moan sounded from Tae’s room, audible even over the TV. Jongin turned up the volume, but it was futile. They'd been at it for a half hour- giggles, gasps, pleas. Jongin knew she should have just gotten up and gone to her room- put another door between her and the sounds of pleasure. But she felt like watching TV.

And in a weird way, she was sickly fascinated by what she was hearing.

When she and Tae had sex, it wasn't nearly so loud. There were some groans of course. And the few times Tae had murmured encouragements. But she had never heard Tae be so...vocal.

What were they _doing_ in there?

Gwiboon was loud, too. But Gwiboon was just kind of a loud person. And Tae was good at getting people to lose their minds. So that made perfect sense to Jongin.

But Tae moaning like she was dying...what was Gwiboon doing to elicit that reaction?

Tae didn't moan like that for her.

Not like it mattered. It wasn’t a competition.

And Gwiboon was a lesbian so she had an advantage anyway. 

Maybe _she_ was fucking _Tae_. Did girls switch?

Or maybe she was really good at fingering.

A whimpered gasp, Tae’s, interrupted Jongin's train of thought.

She frowned.

 _Maybe_ , it occurred to her, Gwiboon was eating her out.

The thought had Jongin flushing, and trying not to picture it. That was a weird thing for her to be thinking about. 

“ _Gwiboon_ ,” sounded from the other room, wrecked and breathy. “Fuck, _please_.”

Jongin's ears burned. She should really just go into her room and put headphones on.

Getting up, Jongin found her steps hastening when moans seemed to escalate- chasing her into her room.

She shut the door, and breathed a sigh of relief. The sounds weren’t entirely drowned out, but they were muffled at least.

With a pair of headphones and her blankets over her head, Jongin couldn’t hear anything except for her music. 

It wasn’t a big deal or anything. She wasn’t horrified or scarred. 

But she still felt like she shouldn’t have been listening. No. She _knew_ she shouldn’t have been.

Not that she had been _actively_ listening. 

And it wasn’t like she’d never heard Tae moan before. 

Even though she was alone in her room, under her covers, Jongin felt her face heat up at that thought.

Even more reason why she should avoid hearing Tae and Gwiboon going at it.

Next time, she was going to go straight into her room.

Straight. Into her room.

Next time. Yes.

 

\---

 

Jongin heard a yelp from the kitchen as she let herself into the apartment, toeing off her shoes and peering around the corner curiously.

What she saw was Tae bent backwards at the waist, face pulled into a look of horror.

“What's going on?” she wondered, looking around for the source of Tae's distress.

“There’s a huge fly in here,” Tae told her, flinching back and an arm coming up to block her face from the apparent assault.

Jongin didn’t like bugs, but Tae’s aversion had her beat.

“Get it,” Tae hissed, jaw clenched and arms moving erratically to keep the flying culprit away from her.

“Uh…”

“Magazine on the couch,” Tae said, gesturing before ducking rapidly.

“I wasn't done reading that,” Jongin complained, looking around to see if there was any other fly swatting material around.

Tae stared at her like she'd said she was going to leave Tae to bleed out while she went to get a taco.

“Okay, okay, fine,” she conceded, grabbed the magazine and rolling it up.

“There! On the window!” Tae said, flinching when the fly didn't even move.

Jongin got into position and swung the rolled up magazine, smacking against the glass but missing the fly.

Squeaking, Tae dropped into a crouch when the fly swerved in her direction to avoid the attack.

“Jongin!” Tae complained, arms blocking her head like something that could actually injure her was about to be lobbed at her.

“I’m trying!” Jongin defended, trying to track the swift moving insect as it flew around the room and nearly gave Tae cardiac arrest.

After a lot more ducking and weaving from Tae and some failed attempts by Jongin, the fly landed on the window again.

Jongin stepped forward slowly, holding her weapon at the ready. When she felt okay about her position, she swung and _smack_.

Bringing the curled magazine away from the glass, Jongin wrinkled her nose at the fly guts smeared on the glossy back cover.

Tae whooped, straightening up to her full height and grinning at Jongin.

“Ew,” Jongin complained, grabbing a paper towel to wipe off the window and the magazine, the latter having suffered the worse fate of the two.

“I’ll buy you a new one,” Tae offered, patting her on the back as Jongin gave up and dropped the makeshift swatter into the garbage.

Jongin knew that Tae would probably forget, but the gesture was nice anyway.

“Wanna watch something?” Tae asked, relaxed now as she made for the couch.

Jongin snorted. Crisis averted, apparently.

“Sure.”

 

\---

 

The late afternoon sun bounced off the white wall next to the TV and had Jongin squinting. It was a beautiful day outside. Jongin felt like she should go for a walk or something, but she'd taught that morning and was feeling lazy. Her alarm had gone off mid-dream, so she'd felt like she was in a fog all day, and relaxing on the couch was all she felt up for at the moment.

Maybe later, she and Tae could go out to get dinner or something. If Tae didn't have plans with Gwiboon already, that is. 

Currently, Tae was in her room taking a nap. Jongin would normally have been doing the same, but she'd had trouble falling asleep the night before, brain too active to let her rest, so she wanted to be sure she wouldn't be lying awake for two hours again that night. 

The show on TV, something about cooking that was making Jongin vaguely hungry but not hungry enough to get up to get a snack, switched to a commercial about gardening, and Jongin wondered if she should bother to change the channel. There was nothing good on at four o'clock anyway. 

They could get pizza for dinner, Jongin thought when the show came back and the host started talking about marinara sauce. But if they got pizza, they'd end up getting delivery, and the whole point was that Jongin felt like she needed to get up and moving and out of the apartment. 

Delivery pizza sounded really good, though. 

As the woman on TV showed off a plate of quiches and starting wrapping up the episode, Tae emerged from her room- face puffy from sleep, heather gray tank rumpled, and hair sticking up a little bit in the back. She looked cute like that.

"'M hungry," Tae mumbled, flopping down on the couch next to Jongin and curling into her side.

For as angular as she was, she felt soft as she wrapped her arms around Jongin's waist and pressed face into her shoulder. She was warm too- skin heated from having been curled up under her covers for the last hour. 

Jongin tensed.

"Would Gwiboon want you to be doing that?" she asked, uncomfortable when Tae draped a leg over her lap as well.

Blinking up at her with an indentation in her cheek from her pillowcase, Tae looked confused.

"Eating?" she asked, one eye closed and one looking at Jongin like she was speaking Greek.

"Being all...on me," Jongin clarified, even though the extra body heat felt nice. The temperature had dropped a bit since midday and the cool breeze coming in the open window was just a tad too chilly for Jongin to be sitting around in shorts and a tank top. 

"Gwiboon wouldn't care," Tae grumbled, but pulled her leg off of Jongin's thighs to tuck underneath herself instead. Though her arms remained snugly around Jongin's middle.

Jongin was partially relieved that she wouldn't have to lose her space heater.

"Can we get dinner?" Tae asked then, eyes fixed on the TV as a cereal commercial played. 

"It's only..." Jongin looked over at the clock on the microwave, "a little after five."

The digital readout actually said 3:13 because they'd never set it, but after a year, Jongin knew just how off it was that she could discern the real time from looking at it. It would have made more sense to just set it properly in the first place, but it seemed pretty pointless at that point. 

" _Food_ ," Tae reiterated, and Jongin _was_ feeling hungry as well.

"Do you have plans with Gwiboon tonight?" Jongin asked, feeling Tae shake her head against her shoulder.

"Gwiboon is going out with friends." 

Jongin hated that she was a little glad that she and Tae would have the night to themselves. It seemed like it had been a while since the last time the two of them had gotten dinner together, even though it had only been about six days. 

"Do you want to go out?" Jongin asked, but Tae whined.

"Do I have to move?" she complained. "I'm comfy."

Jongin smiled to herself, fond. 

Oh well. At least she'd kind of made an effort to go out and enjoy the weather. Maybe tomorrow would be nice too. 

"Pizza?" she prompted, and Tae's agreement was immediate.

" _Yes_ ," she said, reaching out with her foot to try to retrieve Jongin's cell phone from the coffee table. 

It fell on the floor and Tae laughed instead of apologizing, scooting forward and relinquishing her hold on Jongin to retrieve the phone. 

"Don't try to pick up my phone with your feet," Jongin complained, but Tae only giggled, putting in Jongin's four-digit password on the lock screen and pulling open the food delivery app. 

"Usual?" she asked, and Jongin hummed in response, watching as Tae easily ordered a large pizza before tossing the phone to the other side of the couch and curling back into Jongin's side. 

They'd need that when the delivery guy called to say he was at their building, but whatever. That wouldn't be for another 40 minutes at least. And relaxing on the couch with Tae draped on her was comfortable. So she couldn't complain.

Fifty minutes later, Jongin was just starting in on her second slice and Tae was almost on her third.

Pizza had definitely been a good idea. 

"Gwiboon and I weren't too loud last night, were we?" Tae asked around a mouthful of cheese, sauce, and pepperoni.

Jongin felt her stomach tense. "No. I mean, I don't know. I had my headphone on."

"Good call," Tae said, nodding as she chewed.

"You guys are, like, really loud," Jongin pointed out, knowing that this was a road she probably shouldn't be going down. "Excessively loud."

Tae laughed, covering her mouth with a fist clenching a greasy napkin.

“How- I mean, I’ve never heard people be so loud,” Jongin said, wanting to shut herself up. It wasn’t important. Why was she tugging at this thread?

Tae quirked a brow. “I doubt that.”

“Okay, fine. I probably have,” Jongin relented, the back of her neck starting to get hot. “But, I just- _why_ are you guys so noisy?”

Tae snorted. “Why? Gwiboon is a pretty loud individual, you know.”

“Well, yeah…” Jongin knew she should drop it. What was she even hoping to achieve? Nothing good was going to come from this conversation. Nothing. And why did she even want to know? What was her sick fascination with her roommate’s sex life anyway? This was most definitely not normal. “But even _you_ …”

Well, now that was out there. Jongin basically had just told Tae that she’d heard her moaning through the walls. Not that Tae was likely to be embarrassed by something like that. And Jongin had heard Tae moaning without any walls separating them, but that she’d noticed…

Tae’s lips quirked. “Gwiboon is loud and also good with her tongue. I mean, I don’t know what else to say,” she laughed. 

Jongin felt her cheeks burn at the imagery that flashed through her mind. It was imagery that she didn’t want, but she’d asked. Why she’d asked, she still didn’t understand. She’d figured that was why anyway. She didn’t know why assuming it and hearing it were so different.

“You’re the one who brought it up,” Tae teased, shoving at Jongin’s shoulder as she took in her red face. “But we can try to be quieter if it’s bothering you.”

Jongin shook her head, imagining Tae telling Gwiboon breathily that they had to keep it down because Jongin had mentioned how loud they were. That wasn’t what she wanted, she didn’t think.

“No, it’s fine. As long as I have my headphones on…”

Her mind was flooded with a million images and questions that she’d never wanted. This was why she shouldn’t have brought it up. Not to mention, Tae might get the wrong idea- thinking that she had been _listening_ or-

“We can still try to be a bit quieter,” Tae said, shooting her a smile. “But you know Gwiboon. She can’t even watch TV quietly, so…”

Jongin chuckled because it was true, trying not to focus on the fact that they were talking about sex and the fact that Tae wasn’t sure if her girlfriend would be able to be quiet while fucking her.

Her stomach twisted uncomfortably. 

She shouldn’t have brought it up.

“Did you get to finish teaching the routine to your class this morning?” Tae asked, probably seeing Jongin’s discomfort and taking pity on her even though she’d brought it on herself. Jongin appreciated it. 

“Yeah, we finished going through all the choreography,” Jongin confirmed, latching onto the subject change. “Everyone is picking up the steps really well.”

“Even that one girl…?” Tae asked, referring to a very determined girl in one of Jongin’s classes who just...didn’t have a natural talent for dance. But she never gave up and had a great attitude, which had Jongin rooting for her.

“Even her,” Jongin confirmed with a smile. “She’s getting it a little slower, but she’s come a long way.”

It was easy to fall into conversation about Jongin’s advanced class after that and her hopes that some of the kids would get into college for dance. 

That was a much better topic than Tae having loud sex.

So even if that exchange was still loitering in the back of Jongin’s mind, she was glad to be in comfortable territory.

What Gwiboon did to make Tae moan so loudly was none of Jongin’s business. None. 

And as long as she kept her headphones nearby, it would stay that way.

 

\---

 

Jongin didn’t really like shopping. Sure, she liked to look nice, but walking around, looking at racks and racks of clothes all day was more exhausting and overwhelming than fun. She ended up buying most of her clothes online and saving all her shopping energy for when she needed a new pair of jeans or something. 

Normally, she wouldn’t spend a Saturday afternoon walking in and out of shops, looking at shirts made from nice fabric and skirts that would most likely not allow her to bend at the waist, but when Gwiboon invited Jongin to come along with her and Tae, Jongin felt like it would have been rude to refuse. 

So there she was, trailing behind the couple and offering her opinion when asked. 

Despite Tae being a tomboy, she actually enjoyed shopping a lot more than Jongin did. She’d often take the time to go out to find a new pair of cool boots or sneakers, and she had more pairs of jeans than Jongin did pants, period. So while Tae’s and Gwiboon’s style differed greatly, they were both happily perusing the clothes in the store they were in- holding up items and collecting an armful of things to try on. 

“Jongin!” Gwiboon exclaimed, joining Jongin at the rack she was browsing. “Would you wear this? I think it’d be perfect with that plaid skirt you have.”

The maroon sweater she was holding was cropped and looked really soft. More importantly, Gwiboon was right. It really would look good with that skirt.

“Oh yeah,” Jongin agreed, reaching out to take the sweater. It was even softer than she’d expected. “I’ll try it on. Thanks.”

Gwiboon beamed, and Jongin was helpless to do anything but return her smile. 

“What about this?” Tae asked, chuckling as she came up to them with pair of drop crotch purple pants held in front of her.

“Those are _hideous_ ,” Gwiboon howled, laughing as Tae wiggled her hips and made the pants move along with them.

“They’re not...that bad?” Jongin said. Not something she’d wear, but they looked comfortable, at least.

“Good thing I like you,” Gwiboon teased, patting Jongin on the shoulder.

“Okay, but seriously,” Tae continued. “This?”

It was a denim shirt with lots of patchwork of varying colors. Jongin decided to let Gwiboon answer since she was probably the least fashion conscious of the three of them.

Gwiboon wrinkled her nose. “ _No_.”

“Is it really that bad?” Tae wondered, looking down at the article of clothing in her hand. 

“ _Yes_ ,” Gwiboon insisted. “But here, I picked this up for you.”

From the large pile of clothes hanging over her arm, Gwiboon pulled out a plaid button up shirt with intentional distressing. Jongin wondered about her own fashion prowess again when the only thing she could think was that it looked soft, too.

“Oh, I like it!” Tae enthused, taking the hanger from Gwiboon.

“I thought you would,” Gwiboon grinned, accepting peck Tae pressed against her lips in thanks.

Jongin looked down at the sweater in her hands again.

“I just want to grab those ripped jeans in my size and then I’m ready to try on,” Tae said, looking between Jongin and Gwiboon.

“I’m ready,” Gwiboon confirmed. “Jongin?”

Jongin just had the sweater Gwiboon had found and a black, off the shoulder t-shirt that was, again, _soft_.

She nodded. 

“Great!” Gwiboon said. “Hopefully we get dressing rooms near each other so we can show each other when we have things on.”

Tae nodded and Jongin had the horrible vision of the two of them sharing a dressing room and…

That probably wasn’t even allowed.

 _Try this on just to entertain me_ , Gwiboon had said when she’d handed Tae a gold, spandex mini skirt. 

Well, Tae did, and Gwiboon was wolf whistling as Tae struck an exaggerated pose- bent at the waist with her ass sticking out and a hand braced on one knee.

“Damn, look at that body,” Gwiboon complimented, helping herself to a nice handful of Tae’s ass. 

“I know,” Tae smirked, holding her loose tank out of the way so they could all appreciate how tiny her waist looked. 

Even though she wore baggy clothes a lot of the time, she was definitely not shy about her body. She was lean and toned from dance, and she knew she looked good. She didn’t have the womanly curves that Gwiboon and Jongin had, but there was no denying that she had a really nice body.

Seeing Tae in a mini skirt- or any skirt, for that matter- was kind of a shock to Jongin. She wasn’t surprised that Tae looked good because she always looked good. It was just...Tae might have been mistaken for a boy fairly often, but she was no boy. Tae was a woman. Granted, she was a woman who gave little thought to gender and generally preferred to present herself as androgynous, but she was a woman.

And of course Jongin knew that. Of course she did. But when she was getting fucked by Tae or pinned against the wall by her angular frame, she wasn’t typically thinking _woman_. 

Though... she wasn’t thinking _man_ either. She was just thinking _Tae_.

“She’s hot, right?” Gwiboon asked, pulling Jongin from her muddled thoughts. 

Jongin focused again on Tae as she shook her hips and admired herself in the mirror.

“She is,” Jongin agreed, because she was.

“This isn’t news,” Tae said with a self satisfied smile. “I know I’m hot. Even in a skirt. I’m just _hotter_ in ripped jeans and a loose tank top.”

Gwiboon hummed in acknowledgment, running her hand along Tae’s hip.

“I’m just at my maximum level of hotness as a dyke. What can I say?” Tae proclaimed, and Gwiboon snorted. 

“And so humble, too,” Gwiboon tsked, pressing a kiss to Tae’s cheek and herding her back toward her dressing room. “But get back to trying on. I have to try the other size of these shorts.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Tae giggled, giving Gwiboon a salute and earning herself a light smack on the shoulder.

“Are you out of things to try?” Gwiboon asked, and it took Jongin a moment to realize that she was talking to her. 

“Oh,” Jongin startled, looking back into her dressing room at the sweater she’d already tried on and then down at the shirt on her body. “Yeah, I’m done.”

“Oh! Can you grab these jeans in another size?” Tae asked, holding out a pair of skinny jeans that she’d put on before and complained that they were too tight.

“Sure,” Jongin agreed, “lemme just get changed first.”

“Thanks!” Tae grinned before disappearing back into her changing room and pulling the curtain closed. 

Right. Jongin had to get changed into her street clothes. She should probably do that.

But what did it mean that she only thought of Tae as Tae when they were fucking? Was that something? Jongin was straight, so why-

Nothing. It didn’t mean anything. Because Jongin was straight. And she and Tae weren’t fucking anyway. It was all moot. 

Maybe if she’d wanted to have sex with Gwiboon...that would mean something. But for as attractive as Gwiboon was, she didn’t. 

She was just overthinking things. That was all. 

Jongin pulled her own sweater back on and smoothed down her hair.

She had to go bring Tae another pair of jeans. 

They weren’t even having sex anymore.

“What size do you need?” she called when she was outside of Tae’s dressing room.

“26!” Tae answered. “Thanks Jongin!”

Tae was having sex with Gwiboon. None of this mattered. 

Jongin was straight. 

Tae was...Tae.

That kind of made it worse.

 

\---

 

Jongin was exhausted as she stepped off the elevator and headed down the hall toward her apartment. One of the other teachers had been sick, so Jongin had taught three of her classes, turning her normal six hour day into a nine hour day. 

Tae wasn't gonna be home, but maybe she’d get takeout for just herself. She didn't feel like figuring out what to eat from the odds and ends in their fridge.

A week earlier, Tae had found out that Gwiboon was moving across the country. She’d gotten a new, better job at a fashion magazine on the West coast, so she was going to be leaving in a month.

Tae had been bummed, of course, but apparently they weren't going to try to make a long distance relationship work. They'd only been dating for a couple months, Tae had reasoned. It wasn't like they were in love, and distance was hard. 

Still, they were going to continue seeing each other until Gwiboon left, so that night, Tae was going out to dinner with Gwiboon and then staying over at Gwiboon’s apartment.

The good news was that Jongin would be able to watch TV without being interrupted by loud moaning. The bad news was that watching TV alone was no where near as fun without Tae. But she understood that Tae wanted to spend time with Gwiboon before she left. She imagined she would have wanted to too, had she been in her position.

Jongin stuck her key in the lock, expecting to step into an empty, dark apartment.

The first thing that struck her was that the lights were on. But maybe Tae had just forgotten to turn them off when she’d left the house, probably running late.

But as she rounded the corner to the kitchen, Tae’s voice hit her ears at the same time she caught sight of the pair of them- Tae perched on the counter with her heels balanced on the edge and Gwiboon kneeling between her legs, the back of her head facing Jongin as she…

“Fuck,” Tae breathed when her glassy eyes focused on Jongin who was frozen- staring at the pair. “Shit, Gwiboon, stop. Jongin is here.”

Her fingers tangled in Gwiboon’s hair, trying to pull her off, as Gwiboon moved back and turned her head.

Cheeks flushed and eyes dark, she didn't look much less debauched than Tae, though the thing Jongin couldn't stop focusing on was the slickness around her puffy, pink lips. Tae’s wetness. Smeared across Gwiboon’s mouth.

Gwiboon was fully clothed and Tae had a shirt on- pants and underwear discarded next to Gwiboon on the floor- like they’d been on their way out when they’d decided that this was more important than dinner reservations.

“Sorry,” Gwiboon said, looking equal parts embarrassed and amused to be caught with her head between Tae’s legs. “Lost track of time, I guess.”

Jongin was still speechless, knowing she should have been apologizing and hastening out of the room to give them their privacy, but she felt like she couldn't move.

She could feel Tae’s eyes on her even though Jongin was intentionally avoiding eye contact with both Tae and Gwiboon.

Though she'd had sex with Tae many times before, she’d never seen her completely bottomless. Maybe for just a second as she stepped into her harness, but she'd never been _looking_. 

Even now, Gwiboon's head was blocking most of what their was to see, but just the fact that Tae was naked from the waist down, aroused, and _right there_...

“We’ll clean off the counter,” Gwiboon assured her, most likely misreading her reaction to what she was seeing.

But that was enough to shake Jongin out of her stupor.

“Yeah, okay,” Jongin said, taking a fumbling step back. “Sorry. I’ll- sorry.”

With that, she turned on her heel and hurried to her room, closing the door with trembling fingers.

She shouldn't have seen that. She should never have seen that. Even if she hadn’t seen much- just the shine on Gwiboon’s lips and Tae’s bare thighs braced open.

But she shouldn't have seen even that because now she couldn’t get it out of her head that she kind of wished she’d seen more.

 

\---

 

Tae sighed, sitting back on the couch with her beer. Gwiboon had gotten in her car to follow the moving truck to her new apartment earlier that afternoon, so it was Tae’s first evening in a while without a girlfriend.

Jongin definitely couldn’t fault her for being down in the dumps. Even Jongin had been sad to see Gwiboon go and she hadn't been dating her.

The night before, Gwiboon had been at their apartment- joining them for the viewing of Jongin’s favorite reality show and being very vocal about which of the models she’d have sex with. At one point, Tae had made a derisive remark about the contestant Gwiboon had had a crush on for a grand total of fifteen minutes, and they’d had a playfully heated argument until Jongin had shushed them, laughing even though she'd just missed half the dialogue.

When Jongin had been turning in for the night, Gwiboon had stopped her and given her a hug.

“It’s been fun, Jongin,” she'd said, shooting her a rueful smile. “Take care of this one, okay?” she added, gesturing at Tae.

Jongin had returned her smile, sad despite the somewhat complicated thoughts that had been swirling through her brain regarding Gwiboon's and Tae's relationship.

“Make sure she doesn’t accidentally die from drinking lye by mistake or something,” Gwiboon had told her.

“I don’t even know what that is,” Tae had complained.

“Exactly,” Gwiboon had teased, lips quirking conspiratorially at Jongin.

Jongin didn't actually know what lye was either, but she'd decided to keep her mouth shut.

Tae hadn’t been especially morose when they were all hanging out, but Jongin didn’t know what happened after she went to bed.

Now, while Tae didn’t seem completely depressed, she was definitely in low spirits. Jongin wanted to cheer her up, but she wasn’t sure how. Honestly, it was more often Tae cheering _her_ up.

“D’you wanna get food?” Jongin asked, sitting next to Tae on the couch and watching her like she might disappear into a puff of smoke if she looked away.

“Eh,” Tae said and took another drag of her beer.

“Do you wanna see what bad reality shows are on right now?” Jongin tried.

Tae shrugged. “You can if you want.”

Jongin chewed her lip. She didn’t want Tae to be sad, but what could she do? She supposed she could offer sex, but that seemed pretty classless given that Tae was bummed because of a girl. Probably not the appropriate course of action. 

Jongin wracked her brain, watching Tae tip her head back to drink, throat working to swallow. She looked away.

“Oh!” Jongin exclaimed, getting up off the couch to retrieve her laptop. “I just stumbled across this the other day.”

Jongin sat back down and scooted close to Tae so she’d be able to see the screen. Clicking a video file, Jongin turned the volume up a couple of notches as she waited for the video to start.

As the music started playing, a look of recognition crossed Tae’s face. 

“Oh my god,” she chuckled, moving closer to Jongin and tilting the screen so she could see better. “I haven’t even thought about this in forever.”

In the video, Tae and Jongin were dancing on stage at Tae’s senior showcase, performing a piece that Tae had choreographed especially for the two of them. It was a mix of hip hop, jazz, and modern, and there was even a little hint of ballet that Tae had put in with Jongin’s background in ballet in mind. 

Tae’s lips were curled in a smile as she watched the screen, torso moving slightly as the movements came back to her

“Oh man,” Tae laughed, setting her beer down so she could add in some arm motions. “This was pretty good.”

“Pretty good?” Jongin scoffed. “It was _really_ good.”

Tae beamed, looking up at Jongin before focusing on their figures on screen as they hit the ending pose. 

“Wanna see if we still remember it?” Tae asked, a familiar gleam in her eyes that had been absent all day.

Jongin let herself get pulled up, placing her laptop on the table and turning it so they could watch the screen from where they were standing. 

“Ready?” Jongin asked, hovering over the play button.

Tae met her eyes and smiled.

“Ready.”

 

\---

 

“ _Oh_ ,” Jongin groaned, gripping tight to the pillowcase beneath her head as Tae slammed into her so perfectly. 

It had taken four days after Gwiboon left for Tae to trap Jongin against the kitchen counter when she was putting her dishes in the sink, nuzzling into the back of Jongin’s neck and murmuring into her skin. 

Arousal had flooded her so fast it had left her head spinning, and she’d turned around to meet Tae’s kiss, the slide of lips so familiar and electrifying.

It was easy to fall back into old habits, though things didn't go back to exactly how they had been. Rather than a few times a week, they were having sex nearly every day. 

Jongin acknowledged that this was even more outside of the normal realm of friends or friends with benefits or whatever they were than before, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Not when she found herself craving the feeling of Tae's lips against hers, her body hovering over her, her fingers on her skin, like never before.

It had been two weeks since they'd resumed their activities, but there were things that Jongin couldn't get out of her head- things that she was afraid to voice. But her thoughts were getting harder and harder to ignore.

Tae whimpered in her throat, fucking forward and almost knocking the words on the tip of Jongin’s tongue right out of her mouth.

Jongin let her hands slide underneath the hem of Tae’s tank- palms against the warm, soft skin of her waist. 

“Are you...hot?” Jongin panted, loose hair sticking to her own temples and neck with sweat and she wasn’t wearing anything.

Tae frowned in confusion before she smirked. “Well, of course I’m hot.”

With a huff that splintered off into a moan, Jongin hit Tae on the shoulder.

“I mean,” she breathlessly clarified, “temperature.”

Tae shrugged as well as she could without breaking her rhythm. 

 

“Yeah,” she said, “but it kind of comes with the territory. Are you hot?”

“Yeah, but...you can take your shirt off, you know,” Jongin finally blurted out, needlessly embarrassed. “If you want.”

Eyebrows shooting up, Tae looked surprised. Which made sense. Because while Jongin had never actually told Tae to keep her shirt on during sex, she’d never said anything to imply that she’d be okay with it if she didn’t. She knew that Tae was doing it to keep Jongin, _straight_ Jongin, from having a pair of breasts right in front of her face. But Jongin...she didn’t think she’d mind so much. As long as they were Tae’s. 

After a moment, Tae chuckled. 

“Okay, would you mind giving me a hand, though? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

Jongin snorted, some of the tension at having brought it up melting away with Tae’s teasing.

Grabbing the hem of the tank, Jongin pulled it up as far as she could and then Tae brought up one arm at a time to wriggle her way out of it without having to stop her movements completely. 

With the sweaty fabric tossed aside, it was just Tae hovering over Jongin- blown, lust filled eyes, puffy lips, sharp shoulders, prominent collarbones, petite breasts, peaked nippes, smooth skin stretched over ribs, soft belly.

Jongin clutched at Tae’s bare back and trembled at the perfect way Tae was filling her over and over again. 

It shouldn’t have been that different, it was just a thin piece of cotton, but to feel Tae’s muscles shift under her skin, to feel the way their bare stomachs brushed when Tae leaned forward a bit, it had Jongin imagining that every sensation was magnified. She was coming apart and fast. 

Body thrumming and release threatening, Jongin couldn’t even second guess what she was doing. Reaching up, Jongin cupped one of Tae’s breasts in her palm, liking how soft it felt. It was small, but Jongin couldn’t imagine a more perfect breast or one that she’d rather be touching. Pleasure dancing over her skin as she clenched around the toy, Jongin lightly dragged her fingers across the firm nipple.

Tae gasped, hips stuttering and rhythm faltering from just that light brush. Her eyes were wide and glassy as they looked at Jongin in surprise. 

Feeling brave, Jongin tweaked the hard nub, groaning herself when she felt the full body shiver the touch elicited. 

With a rush of power and arousal, Jongin rolled Tae’s nipple between her index finger and thumb, watching as Tae squeezed her eyes closed and wheezed out a breath.

“ _Jongin_ ,” she moaned when Jongin did it again.

Her name said like that, with such desperation and awe, had her skin prickling and clit pulsing as Tae dropped down to her elbows and started grinding into her incessantly as she chased her orgasm. 

Tae cried out when she came, shuddering as her hips pumped and her stomach pressed against Jongin’s- no barrier between them.

There wasn’t a chance that Jongin could have possibly held out after that, falling over the edge of release and letting her orgasm work its way through her as she clutched at Tae’s shoulders and gasped out a broken moan.

Jongin’s feet and hands and nose were tingling when she was finally able to pull in a full breath, palms smoothing against the skin of Tae’s back and languishing in the feeling of having just come so hard. 

When Tae finally pushed herself up, her cheeks were flushed, but not just in the way that Jongin had come to expect from exertion.

Tae let out a nervous sounding giggle as she struggled to her feet, turning away as she always did to step out of the harness and into her underwear.

Feeling like a voyeur, Jongin usually looked away, but right then, with the expanse of Tae’s back on display, Jongin found herself unable to help but watch.

She was so lithe and lean, fit from dancing and having a naturally athletic build. But she was still soft in some places- her thighs, her tummy, her breasts. The dip of her waist was delicate and her smooth, tan skin made Jongin want to reach out to touch.

Flushing when she realized what she was doing, Jongin hastily looked up at the ceiling before Tae could turn around again.

Jongin was a little disappointed to find that Tae had put on a fresh t-shirt before she crawled back in bed. 

“Do you want to get up or do you want to nap?” Tae asked, elbow propped on her pillow and head resting on her palm.

Heart restless, Jongin didn’t exactly feel on the cusp of sleep. But she could always go for a nap. Besides, she really had no urge to crawl out of Tae’s bed for any reason.

“Nap?” she said hopefully, wondering if Tae was going to leave her to it or join her. 

“Okay,” Tae replied, smile stretching across her face and eyes warm as they looked at Jongin. 

She flopped down and scooted in so she was pressed against Jongin’s side and her cheek was almost against Jongin’s shoulder. 

Jongin smiled to herself as Tae used her toes to pull the sheet over them. 

True to form, Jongin was already starting to warm up to the idea of sleep and was starting to feel drowsy. 

Right then, she couldn’t bother to fret about what the warmth in her chest meant. She was too content. 

So with Tae curled up beside her, she let herself drift off to sleep.

 

\---

 

Following the first time, Tae didn’t hesitate to remove her shirt when Jongin did, skin pressing to Jongin's as they kissed, nipples catching and making Jongin shiver.

It didn’t feel so removed like that. Jongin couldn’t pretend it was some man she was kissing, sleeping with. It was a woman. It was Tae. There was no forgetting. It was the very thing she'd avoided in the beginning, but now it was what had her blood heating and her head spinning with want.

It kind of changed everything, but Jongin wasn't ready to investigate that train of thought just yet.

Fortunately, there were other thoughts that had her driven to distraction- so tantalizing that Jongin couldn't even think about fretting about what it could all mean.

“I mean, that dress _is_ ugly, but her sister needs to sit down,” Tae complained, eyes on the screen where a woman was trying on an excessively poofy wedding dress.

Jongin wasn’t paying attention, though- too busy watching Tae’s fingers as she fiddled with the remote. 

Oh, she wanted. She wanted-

“Would you finger me?” she blurted out, cheeks burning at her straight forward request, but too curious to regret it.

Tae was blinking at her like she had denounced naps forever.

“You don’t have to,” Jongin clarified, though she had to assume that Tae knew that already. “Just if you want to.”

“ _Yeah_ , I want to,” Tae huffed out, seemingly incredulous that Jongin could even imply that she might not.

Jongin nodded, tongue refusing to move and form words with the jolt of arousal shooting through her.

“Here?” Tae asked, scooting closer and eying Jongin like she wanted to inhale her.

Shrugging, Jongin finally got her voice to work again. “If...whatever you want.”

Tae licked her lips, and cupped the back of Jongin’s neck to pull her in and kiss her.

It was soft, teasing. Just light brushes of lips and Tae’s tongue barely meeting hers before she was drawing away.

“Lay down,” Tae urged, laying down on her side so her back was pressed to the back of the couch and there was just enough space for Jongin to lay in front of her like the little spoon.

Jongin fit herself against Tae, the press of Tae’s body to her back making her nerves prickle with sensitivity. 

Right arm curved over her, Tae first cupped her breast through her shirt, teasing her nipple through the fabric since Jongin wasn’t wearing a bra. 

Breath rushing out of her, Jongin shivered at the touch of Tae’s fingertips to the bare skin of her stomach where her shirt had ridden up.

“Okay?” Tae asked, fiddling with the waistband of Jongin’s sweats.

“Yeah,” Jongin gusted, nearly holding her breath as Tae’s thin fingers slid under her pants and underwear, making contact with Jongin’s arousal.

Tae hummed approvingly, feeling how wet Jongin was already from just the anticipation, as Jongin gasped.

It had been quite some time since Jongin had been fingered by someone, but just the fact that it was _Tae_ had Jongin trembling and trying to widen her legs.

Tae slid a knee between Jongin's thighs to help hold them open, and began to circle Jongin's clit with two fingers.

Whimpering and tilting her hips up, Jongin closed her eyes and arched her neck as Tae pressed kisses along the skin there.

“Good?” Tae purred in her ear and Jongin could only whine in response, overstimulated already but also needing so much more. “How come you’ve never asked for this before?”

“I-” Jongin paused to let out a shuddering breath, “didn't know if you’d want to. Since you don’t get anything from this…”

“Jongin, you don't even know how much I love fingering girls,” Tae said, voice rough and obviously affected by what she was doing.

Somehow that just made Tae’s ministrations even more maddening and Jongin whimpered.

“This way, I can feel just what I’m doing to you,” Tae told her, voice low in her ear. “I get to feel just how wet I make you.”

Jongin shuddered, the jolt of arousal at Tae’s words making her dizzy.

“Mmm, you're so wet,” Tae murmured, fingers dipping into her slit to gather more slick before sliding them against Jongin’s clit. 

Maybe because Tae was a girl and she knew what she was doing. Maybe because Tae could read her so well. Maybe because Tae was _Tae_. Regardless of the reason, Jongin couldn’t remember ever falling apart so quickly from just someone's hand.

“I like that I can feel your pussy twitch,” she said, and Jongin couldn't help the moan she let out as her clit did just that as Tae stroked her just so.

It was overwhelming- Tae touching her, wrapped around her, pressed against her back, voice making goosebumps roll over her skin, lips and breath against her ear.

All too quickly, Jongin felt the pleasure beneath Tae’s fingertips spike- concentrating in one spot and ready to explode.

“Tae,” she gasped, clutching at the forearm of the hand that disappeared under her waistband. “Tae. I’m coming.”

The last part was nearly sobbed out as her orgasm burst forth and consumed her, making her tremble as Tae stroked her through it- fingers pulling every bit of sensation out of her as she murmured encouragements and praises in Jongin’s ear that only served to drag the pleasure out longer until Jongin could barely breathe.

She whimpered as she came down, Tae’s fingers slowing against her and sending little bolts through her.

That had felt...more intimate in a way. They were so close together and Tae had really felt her come like that- no plastic between them.

It had Jongin’s cheeks heating and stomach twisting in a not unpleasant way when she thought about it. She wanted to turn and press her face into Tae’s neck and let her self consciousness die down with Tae’s arms around her waist.

But Tae was already moving, extracting her hand from Jongin's underwear and scooting out from behind her.

She must have been turned on- the little hitches in Tae’s breath as she'd fingered Jongin…

Jongin had never fingered a girl before, aside from herself of course, but she found the idea of returning the favor somewhat appealing, albeit intimidating.

Maybe she could-

“Now if you’ll excuse me,” Tae was saying, shooting Jongin a sheepish smile before she shuffled to the bathroom.

Oh. She was going to take care of herself.

Did she not want Jongin's help? Did she think Jongin wouldn't want to? 

That might have been a fair assumption except...somehow, it wasn't.

Jongin didn't understand it herself, but…

And the knowledge that Tae was twenty feet away, getting herself off…

Squeezing her thighs together, Jongin tried to regulate her breathing.

Jongin had to force herself not to bring herself to a second orgasm from just the thought of Tae touching herself. 

She had to get ahold of herself. 

What was happening?

 

\---

 

“And that’s why there was a twig in my hair,” Sehun finished, gulping down the rest of her second cocktail and seeming unconcerned by the fact that she’d just regaled the group of them with a far too detailed account of what she and Joonmyun had gotten up to on their way to the bar.

Joonmyun, to his credit, looked mostly uncomfortable. Minho didn’t seem to know how to react, Tae was outwardly grimacing at the recounting of heterosexual deeds, and Jongin was…

Jongin was thinking about what it would be like to have Tae pin her against a tree and slip her fingers under her skirt. 

Normally, the fantasy would have had her blushing, but she was a few drinks in, so she was giving herself a pass. Plus, Tae had fingered her the day before, so _of course_ that was the first thing she’d thought of.

“Well,” Minho cleared his throat, looking to Tae like she would save them all. 

“I need another beer,” she announced, and Minho readily agreed, leaning to the side to get at his wallet in his back pocket. 

“Wanna grab me one, too?” Minho asked, holding a few crumpled bills out.

“Why don’t you just come with me,” Tae said with a roll of her eyes. “Why am I getting you drinks?”

“You’re going up there!” Minho defended, affronted.

“Can whoever is going get me another margarita?” Sehun asked, rifling through her purse for some cash.

“Ya see? Now I need someone to help me carry the drinks,” Tae said, pushing herself up and nudging Minho’s shoulder until he got to his feet as well, grumbling all the while. 

“Joonmyun? Do you want something?” Minho asked politely, resigned to his fate.

“No thanks,” Joonmyun told him, gesturing to his half full gin and tonic. “I’m set.”

As Tae and Minho made their way around clumps of people to get to the bar, Jongin leaned back in her seat and took a swig of beer. She only had about a fourth of the bottle left. Maybe she should have asked for another as well. 

“So?” Sehun asked, scooting her around on the u-shaped bench of their booth to crowd against Jongin. “Any new boys lately?”

It had been over four months since she’d broken up with Yixing, but she hadn’t been on a date since. She hadn’t really felt like it. Maybe if someone interesting fell into her lap, but...she hadn’t been motivated to meet anyone new.

“No,” Jongin shook her head, readying herself for Sehun to start telling her about some guy she’d met at the post office that would be perfect for her, but instead all she got was a confused frown.

“How come?” Sehun wanted to know, playing with her straw in her empty glass. 

Jongin shrugged. “I dunno. There just hasn’t been anyone.”

Sehun was still looking at her strangely, but then Tae and Minho were shoving back into the booth with drinks and Sehun was quickly distracted by her fresh margarita. 

“Here you go,” Tae said, pushing a cold bottle of Michelob Ultra toward her.

“I didn’t ask for this,” Jongin uselessly observed, looking over at Tae who was bringing her own beer to her lips. 

“You didn’t have to,” Tae laughed, tapping Jongin’s nearly empty bottle with a short nail. “I knew you were almost done.”

Jongin felt something warm blossom in her chest, stomach flipping. 

“Thanks,” she said, feeling like she was trying to swim through cotton to get sound to come out of her mouth.

Tae’s lips quirked as her hand landed on Jongin’s knee under the table. “Don’t mention it.”

Without realizing it, Jongin found that she was smiling to herself as she downed the rest of her lukewarm beer to start on the one Tae had brought her. But Sehun’s inscrutable gaze on her across the table had Jongin schooling her face into a neutral expression self consciously. 

Making their way out of the bar an hour later, Jongin felt eyes on her, but this time, it wasn’t Sehun. This time it was a man who was eying her bare legs as she walked, his stare making Jongin anxious.

It was instinct to reach for Tae, grasp closing around her forearm and pulling her to fall back into step with Jongin. Palm sliding down, Jongin didn’t think twice about letting their fingers intertwine, Tae squeezing her hand and sending comfort radiating through Jongin’s body.

“The guy?” Tae murmured, eyes darting over to the side to let Jongin known whom she meant. 

Jongin nodded.

Tae held her hand tightly as they passed him, other hand reaching across her own body to hold onto Jongin’s bicep as well. It was possessive, there was no mistaking it, and the man didn’t make a move to say anything to Jongin as she walked by him to exit the bar.

“Thanks,” Jongin sighed when they were outside- the slightly cooler air of the night a relief after being crammed in a small space with so many people.

Grinning, Tae squeezed her hand again, not making any move to let go.

Jongin relaxed, listing slightly into Tae as they waited for the guys to flag down taxis. Sehun and Joonmyun were going together, of course, and Minho lived in the same direction as Jongin and Tae, so he usually rode back with them.

The three beers she’d had had Jongin feeling pleasantly light and carefree as she very nearly leaned into Tae and watched the headlights of cars pass- blurry as she fell into a comfortable stare.

“Jongin.”

Jongin blinked to bring everything back into focus. Sehun was looking at her with that same unreadable look on her face and tugging at her elbow.

“Hm?” Jongin asked, not particularly interested in moving.

“Can I talk to you real fast?”

“But we’re leaving?” she said, confused. She glanced over to confirm that Minho and Joonmyun were trying to flag down cabs for them.

“Just for a sec,” Sehun said, and Tae loosened her grip, so Jongin figured she might as well. 

Following Sehun a few yards away, next to a light post, Jongin waited to see what Sehun wanted to talk to her about. 

“Are you sure that Tae doesn’t like you?” Sehun asked, looking more sober than Jongin thought she ought to after three margaritas. 

Jongin didn’t know if it was because she was sleepy or tipsy, but she couldn’t figure out why Sehun was looking at her like that. She also couldn’t quite explain the little flutter her heart did at the idea that Sehun seemed to think that Tae liked her. 

“Because of…” Jongin gestured to where they had just been standing. “There was a guy when we were walking out-”

“Was there a guy all night?” Sehun interrupted.

Jongin frowned. “No-”

“I guess,” Sehun cut Jongin off with a sigh, “I’m not just asking if Tae likes you. I’m asking if you like her. Or if there’s something going on between you.”

Jongin must have looked gobsmacked because Sehun elaborated.

“You were clinging to her all night and it seemed like you guys were in your own little world,” she shrugged. “More than usual, I mean.”

Had she not been a little drunk, Jongin was sure she would have panicked at Sehun seeming to _know_. Well. She didn’t _know_ know. She thought Jongin had feelings for Tae. She didn’t know they’d been having sex for months. 

“It’s not a bad thing, Jongin,” Sehun went on, a steadying hand on Jongin’s shoulder. Maybe she’d looked like she was panicking, after all. “I just- things could get messy if you’re both not on the same page, you know?” 

Jongin nodded numbly, not sure what to say or what to deny. 

“You guys should talk?” Sehun suggested. “If you haven’t? I don’t want either of you to get hurt.”

“Sehun!” jolted Jongin out of her speechless stupor. “Come on!”

Joonmyun was standing next to a parked cab with the back door open, waving at Sehun impatiently.

“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot,” Sehun said, leaning forward to give Jongin a quick hug. “Text me when you get home safe, okay?”

Then she was scurrying over to the waiting taxi, leaving Jongin standing on the sidewalk with her mind running in circles. 

“What’d Sehun want?” Tae asked, moseying over to her and resting a chin on her shoulder. Part of Jongin wanted to shrug her off so Sehun wouldn’t get any ideas when she looked out the window at them. But she already had ideas. And were they even wrong? Jongin didn’t know anymore.

Besides, having Tae pressed against her like this was nice- comforting.

“It was nothing,” Jongin lied, trying to think back over the night to figure out just what Sehun had seen that led her to think Jongin liked Tae. The problem was that she couldn’t isolate one event because she kept thinking of different moments where she could have gotten the wrong idea. Or...the idea. 

“Was she telling you more het sex stuff?” Tae asked, distaste evident in her voice.

Jongin let out a chuckle despite the uncomfortable twisting her stomach was doing.

“Yeah,” she lied. “That was pretty much it. Just some other thing she and Joonmyun were gonna do.”

“Ick,” Tae complained, chin digging hard into Jongin’s shoulder as she pressed against her and steadied herself with her arms around Jongin’s waist. “Please don’t ever tell me the junk she tells you about her sex life.”

“I won’t,” Jongin promised, dragging Tae with her when Minho finally flagged down an empty cab.

Tae guided Jongin to rest her head on her shoulder during the ride home, knowing how tired Jongin got when she drank. It was comfortable, but Jongin’s stomach was still swirling.

Because she didn’t know if she could even say that Sehun was wrong about what she’d said. And she didn’t know when she’d gotten so unsure of her own feelings.

All she knew was that, when she was lying in bed alone that night, she just kept wishing that Tae was next to her. 

 

\---

 

It would be a lie to say that Jongin hadn’t thought about it. Especially in recent weeks. 

But it had been Tae to suggest it, not Jongin. Which Jongin was clinging to because otherwise she might have felt kind of greedy since she’d never actively gotten Tae off and Tae had fingered her on multiple occasions.

Technicalities were hard to focus on, however, when Tae’s head was between her legs and her tongue was against her clit.

They’d been making out, Jongin pressed to the wall in the living room and Tae’s fingers in her hair, when Tae had breathed against her lips _can I eat you out?_

Jongin felt like the whole Earth shifted with the way her head spun at those words. Ever since she’d heard all the noise and praises Gwiboon called out when she and Tae were going at it, Jongin had wondered what it would be like. But would Tae even want to? Especially since Jongin wasn’t volunteering to return the favor.

Apparently, she did. Though considering how she’d moan at the feel of Jongin tightening around her fingers, it made sense that Tae would get off to the act of eating girls out, too.

Jongin had been soaked by the time Tae pushed her back on the bed and tugged her shorts and underwear off. 

Tae had nuzzled up her thigh as she spread her legs with her hands, groaning at the sight of Jongin so wet for her. 

That, having Tae so up close and personal with her pussy, had had Jongin feeling shy for a moment, but then Tae had used two fingers to bare her clit and press a kiss against it, and Jongin forgot to be self conscious. Instead, she was moaning as her head tipped back and Tae licked along the length of her. 

Now, probably just ten minutes later, Jongin was having trouble even remembering which way was up as Tae lapped enthusiastically against her opening and rubbed her lips against the swollen flesh. 

“ _Tae_ ,” Jongin whimpered, fingers tangling in the slightly shaggy hair at the crown of Tae’s head. What she was doing now was _so good_ , but she was aching and desperate to come. She wanted Tae’s mouth against her clit again- teasing her until she couldn’t stand it any more and fell over the edge. 

Tae pulled back for a moment, lips slick and eyes blown, and Jongin moaned at just the sight. 

“You taste so good, Jongin,” Tae murmured, sucking a mark into her thigh. 

And _oh_. Those words coming from Tae’s mouth- her mouth covered in Jongin’s arousal- were absolutely sinful. Jongin didn’t know if she’d ever heard anything hotter in her entire life. 

Somehow, just knowing that Tae, who had eaten out plenty of girls, who had seen Jongin curled up in a ball of gross agony when she was hungover, thought that she tasted good.

Jongin nearly sobbed as Tae dipped down again and finally started to really focus her attention on Jongin’s swollen clit. 

Tongue drawing maddening circles around the bud, Tae was quickly driving Jongin toward the release she needed so desperately. 

Everything was building up, up, up, and Jongin clutched at Tae’s hair with both hands- thighs trembling as she held them apart so Tae could move. 

Her muscles were clenching tighter and tighter and Jongin could feel the pleasure coiled right beneath her skin- heady and sweet and so so addictive.

 _Oh_ , she was going to come. She was going to come so hard. She was going to come against Tae’s lips and tongue as she ate her out like she was the best thing she’d ever tasted. _Fuck_. It was Tae. Tae was tasting her. Tae was feeling her pulse. Tae was going to-

Jongin tried to get out a warning as she felt her orgasm burst forth from her body, but all that came out was a choking sound as she tried to breathe and scream all at once. 

The pleasure rolled over her body, radiating out from her core where Tae’s tongue was wiggling and thrashing and pulling her apart. Ears ringing, head spinning, body tingling, and Tae’s name trapped on her lips, Jongin let herself freefall through bliss until she couldn’t anymore and her lungs demanded that she take a deep breath or pass out. 

Even just the gentle, soothing licks as she came down had her trembling, wrung out and disoriented by how _good_ that had been. 

Tae’s forehead rested against her thigh as Jongin regained her bearings, moving and jerking a little.

Propping herself on her elbows, Jongin peered down her own body to see what Tae was doing. Usually she asked Jongin how it had been, probably just to hear Jongin tell her it was good, but she wasn’t smirking up at Jongin like she knew just how intense Jongin’s orgasm had been. Her head was dipped and she was letting out little huffing breaths and she trembled.

All at once, Jongin realized what Tae was doing. Tae was _touching herself_ right there, kneeling between Jongin’s legs. Maybe she’d even been doing it when she’d been eating Jongin out. 

That thought had Jongin letting out a shuddering breath. 

“Tae,” she murmured, feeling the full body shudder her voice had elicited. It had her shivering herself. “Come up here.”

Tae shouldn’t have to get off while kneeling on the floor. That was surely uncomfortable. There was no reason why she couldn’t at least get on the bed.

Finally, Tae looked up at her and Jongin’s breath caught at how completely wrecked she looked. Her eyes were inky pools and her lips, still slick with Jongin’s release, were bitten and red. 

Shakily, Tae got to her feet, legs trembling as she climbed onto the bed.

“Here,” Jongin said, shifting them both back and helping Tae lie down on her back before stretching out next to her. For a moment, Jongin had considered letting Tae have privacy, but she suspected that that wasn’t really what Tae wanted. 

It also wasn’t what she wanted. 

Jongin caught the shine on Tae’s fingers that had been working against herself, and somehow that had her cheeks heating and heart picking up speed. Tae was wet from eating her out. Obviously she was, if she was touching herself, but to see the evidence…

Evidence that disappeared as Tae eagerly slid her hand underneath the waistband of her sweat shorts and got her fingers against herself again.

She groaned, reaching out with her free hand and using it to pull Jongin against her side.

Jongin pressed her face into Tae’s neck as Tae kneaded her bare thigh with her left hand and rubbed against herself with her right. 

“Wanted to do that for so long,” Tae wheezed, fingers digging into Jongin’s skin as she shook and her hips started moving in time with her hand. “ _Fuck_.”

Pressing kisses to the skin of Tae’s neck, Jongin reached out and teased Tae’s nipple through her t-shirt. The reaction was immediate. Tae yelped and shook- muscles straining as she chased her end.

Even though Tae was fingering herself, that cry had been for Jongin. If someone had been in the other room, they’d have heard that and they’d have known that she was making Tae feel good. 

The thought was heady and Jongin sucked against the skin of Tae’s neck as she moved to the other nipple. 

“ _Jongin_ ,” Tae moaned, voice quaking as much as her body.

Jongin felt the way Tae tensed up, jerking lightly as she came against her own fingers- gasping and moaning in turn.

Jongin hated to admit it, but she was throbbing again by the time Tae came down- getting to feel Tae touching herself somehow one of the sexiest things she’d ever experienced. 

“Oh my god,” Tae groaned, extracting her hand from her shorts and wiping her fingers against her sheet. “That was good.”

“Sounded like it,” Jongin admitted, her own voice throaty.

Tae snorted, heaving herself into sitting position and looking at Jongin fondly as she sat up as well. 

Eyes catching on the purpling mark on Tae’s neck, Jongin flushed. 

“Uh, I uh-”

Tae seemed to realize what Jongin was looking at.

“Did you give me a hickey?” she complained, rolling off the bed and heading to the bathroom to look in the mirror. “You did!”

“Sorry,” Jongin said sheepishly, though she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the mark on Tae’s throat- so visible and tangible. She kind of liked it.

“I’m gonna use your concealer to cover this,” Tae informed her, not looking as mad as it seemed like she was trying to appear.

“Your neck is pretty light, though,” Jongin pointed out. “I don’t know if my concealer will match.”

“Ugh, well then buy me some,” Tae whined, flopping back on the bed next to her.

Jongin’s lips quirked. She had a soft spot for petulant Tae.

“Okay,” she agreed, laying down again because Tae was and…

“You’re not wearing pants,” Tae informed her as she curled into Jongin’s side, voice soft and teasing.

Jongin flushed. She’d actually forgotten.

“I don’t mind,” Tae told her, but that just had Jongin blushing darker. 

She was really going to get up and fetch some fresh underwear from her room, but Tae was pulling the sheets over them both, and that pretty much solved the problem.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to nap today,” Jongin pointed out, eyelids feeling heavy with Tae’s warmth wrapped around her.

“Eh,” Tae shrugged as well as she could lying down. “Maybe just a little one.”

Jongin wasn’t going to argue. Instead, she nuzzled against Tae’s shoulder and closed her eyes.

There was no where else she’d rather be. Even more importantly, there was no one else she’d rather be with.

That thought stayed with her as she drifted off to sleep, Tae’s arm curled around her. 

 

\---

 

Jongin knew that she had done an exceptional job of not letting herself think about all of the evidence stacking up that was in complete contradiction to what she'd been telling herself. What she and Tae had going...it couldn’t be simply explained away with the friends with benefits label. Moreover, it was in absolutely no way heterosexual. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

At the beginning even...Jongin had to acknowledge that most straight girls wouldn’t agree to get fucked by their lesbian roommate, dry spell or no. 

So what was it? They weren’t friends with benefits. They weren’t dating. But they weren’t just fucking.

Jongin also had to admit that she was attracted to Tae. Not in a if-she-were-a-boy-with-a-dick sort of way, but in a Tae-as-she-was way. It didn’t matter to Jongin that Tae didn’t have a dick. Whether she had one or not, Jongin suspected it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. She was just into Tae- her best friend, her roommate. 

That realization was dizzying. 

Even though Jongin had never actively made Tae come before, mostly due to both of their assumptions that Jongin wouldn’t want to, she couldn’t stop thinking about how badly she wanted to be the one to make Tae lose herself in pleasure. Having Tae fingering herself right next to Jongin had been...the sounds she made and the way she trembled were permanently imprinted in Jongin’s mind. Jongin had been very, very into it. 

Did that mean that Jongin was a lesbian? 

No. No, she still liked men. And for as much as she wanted to get her hands on Tae, all parts of her, she wasn’t eager to do the same for any other woman. The thought of Gwiboon, for example, didn’t have Jongin wanting. The idea of touching Sehun like that...that was a very emphatic _no_. It was just Tae. Just Tae. 

So what did that mean, then? She was attracted to Tae. Tae was her best friend. Tae was a lesbian. Jongin...wasn’t, but…

And what was she supposed to do with that information? She was attracted to her roommate whom she was already having sex with. When she thought of it like that, she realized just how belated her realization was. 

Should she say something? The idea of doing so was kind of terrifying. It would raise a lot of questions, probably. And besides, would that be somewhat offensive to tell someone she had been sleeping with for months that she realized she was sexually attracted to them? The situation was unique but…

But _oh_ , Jongin just wanted to make Tae come for her, just for her. Only for her.

 _Only_ for her. 

That was a different thing entirely. 

That was even scarier than the realization that she was attracted to her.

That was…

That was too huge for Jongin to even deal with, right then. 

There was so much already on her mind. 

One thing at a time, she thought. She could only deal with one thing at a time.

But that feeling...that feeling that was so much heavier and more potent than attraction stayed with her. Then again, had it ever really been that far off?

 

\---

 

“Aw man,” Tae complained, knocking the toe of her sneaker against the wooden ledge that separated the playground from the rest of the park. “I wanted to go on the swings.”

It was Saturday afternoon and it was gorgeous out, so Jongin and Tae agreed that their free time would be better spent walking around than holed up in their apartment in front of their laptops.

Tae was in a pair of skinny jeans that had more rips than actual material, a pair of expensive looking high tops, and a loose tank that left her sports bra mostly on display, which almost guaranteed that Tae wouldn't be mistaken for a guy that day.

Even though Jongin’s jean shorts, lacy camisole, and converse low tops were a more feminine outfit, Jongin thought that it was pretty obvious that Tae had a better eye for fashion than she did.

“It’s Saturday,” Jongin laughed. “You didn't think there would be kids here?”

“I didn't think there would be so many,” she defended, whining lilt to her voice.

“Maybe they'll-”

“Swing!” Tae called when one of the kids jumped off the swing to chase after his friend.

Before Jongin could even say anything, Tae was making for the vacated swing.

“Wanna push me?” Tae asked when she sat down, beaming at Jongin and fluttering her eyes.

Jongin snorted. “Not really.”

But she kind of did. 

Tae grinned at her as Jongin made her way around behind Tae so she could grab hold of the chains and push her forward.

Giggling, Tae tipped her head back on the upswing to smile at Jongin behind her- almost losing her sunglasses in the process.

“Do I get a turn?” Jongin wanted to know, rhythmically pushing Tae every time she swung backwards. 

“Maybe,” Tae sing-songed, oblivious to the side eye they were getting from a mother who had just arrived at the playground with her daugher who obviously wanted to go on the swings. 

Jongin grabbed the chains and held on that time, shuffling along as the momentum pulled Tae forward again until the swing finally stopped moving.

“Why’d you stop?” Tae complained, looking up at her with an exaggerated pout in her face. 

“ _Actual_ children want to use the swings, Lee Taeyeon,” Jongin said, pulling Tae along by her wrist and muttering a sorry at the annoyed looking woman when they made their way past her. 

“Don’t call me that,” Tae whined, referring to her real, full name that she’d never gone by as long as Jongin had known her. But she followed anyway, falling into step with Jongin as she started along the path that led around the circumference of the park, weaving between trees and lined with flowers and the occasional bench. 

Jongin’s ponytail kept brushing against her shoulders, and all she could think about was how the back of Tae’s hair felt when she ran her fingers through it. 

“Remember when we used to go on walks instead of studying in college?” Tae asked, shooting Jongin a conspiratorial grin, like they were getting away with something and not just taking a well deserved rest on a day off. 

Jongin snorted. “You’d always say you wanted to study in the library, but then you’d get restless after a half hour and drag me on a walk with you for a _break_ that went on for twice as long as the studying.”

“But it was always fun,” Tae defended, chuckling and pushing her sunglasses back on her head so they sat atop her blonde hair.

“It was,” Jongin acquiesced. Goofing off with Tae had never noticeably affected her grades, so she really had nothing to complain about. 

“And now we can goof off whenever we want,” Tae exulted, smile so bright and eyes creased.

Jongin felt her stomach swoop to have Tae’s happiness pointed directly at her like that. 

“Except when we’re working,” Jongin pointed out, swallowing down the feelings that were creeping up into her throat.

Tae scrunched up her nose. “Well, yeah. But no homework.”

“True.”

They were quiet for a minute, walking along in the dappled sunlight with the sounds of kids yelling and playing in the background along with the scuffing of their shoes through the gravel. 

Jongin’s heart was beating too quickly for their leisurely stroll, and she couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to just grab Tae’s hand as they walked.

It was probably too hot for that, she comforted herself, letting out a slow breath through her nose. Even if she knew that Tae wanted to hold her hand, it probably wouldn’t have been comfortable, anyway. 

“You don’t think this is the park that Sehun was talking about the last time we met up, do you?” Tae asked out of the blue, and Jongin couldn’t help the way she burst out laughing at the question.

She’d been struggling to ignore some very insistent fond feelings that could literally change everything if she addressed them, and Tae was worried about whether or not they were in the park where Sehun and Joonmyun had fooled around. 

Jongin wheezed with laughter, bending at the waist, and finally just dragging Tae over to the nearest bench. 

Tae was smiling at her, eyes confused, like she did when she’d said something funny but she hadn’t expected it to be _that_ funny. It was like she was pleased with herself, but also worried that she’d missed something. 

It was really cute. Jongin had always thought so. As she got herself under control, the warmth in her chest returned, only more powerful that time. Tae was still looking at her like Jongin might explain why what she’d said was so entertaining, and Jongin was leaning in before she even had the chance to talk herself out of it.

Cupping the back of Tae’s neck, Jongin pressed their lips together lightly- heart fluttering and stomach twisting when Tae immediately kissed back.

It was nowhere near their first kiss. Jongin wouldn’t have been able to make a good estimate of how many times they’d kissed in the last however many months. But Jongin’s heart was beating like it was the first time.

Tae blinked at her when she pulled back, surprise shining in her eyes and lips parted like she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what.

Jongin wanted to kiss her again, but they _were_ in public. And she should probably get her mind together before she did anything.

“What was that for?” Tae finally asked, and Jongin could feel her ears burning.

Tae was definitely thrown off, and Jongin couldn’t blame her. Aside from Jongin apparently being clingy when they went out to drink with their friends last time, she and Tae had never behaved as anything but friends in public before, where someone could see. 

No one had, just then. There was a couple that was just now nearing where they were on the path, having just rounded the bend, and there was a group of people playing frisbee some thirty feet away. But someone _could_ have. And Jongin didn’t think that would have stopped her from kissing Tae. The pull had been too strong. 

Then there was the fact that they’d never kissed when it wasn’t leading to sex. And obviously, as they were in a public park in the middle of the afternoon, the kiss wasn’t leading anywhere then. 

“Um,” Jongin chuckled, sure that she was very noticeably blushing. “I just...wanted to?”

Would Tae mind? Maybe she didn’t want to just kiss Jongin whenever. Maybe she was only interested in doing it when it led to sex. Maybe she was going to get the wrong...right…

“Okay,” Tae said after a moment, lips curving softly and a flush that Jongin was pretty sure she wasn’t imagining dusting the tops of her cheeks. 

Tae looked away, still smiling lightly to herself as the breeze ruffled her hair.

Jongin forced herself not to lean in again. She didn’t want to push it. 

“Wanna keep walking?” Tae finally asked, eyes shining and cheeks bunched up with her grin.

Nodding, Jongin allowed herself to be helped up from the bench- the moment of Tae’s hand closing around hers sending her heart to her throat.

Tae was so-

Jongin just wanted-

There was nothing and no one that made Jongin feel like Tae did. And the idea of someone else getting to kiss Tae and make her smile like she did with Jongin...it had jealously crawling through Jongin until she could taste it, sour, on the back of her tongue.

It wasn’t just friendship.

It wasn’t just sex.

It wasn’t friends with benefits, either, because that was just friendship and sex combined. 

What Jongin felt for Tae went so far beyond that, she wasn’t sure how she could have ever missed it.  
Jongin loved her- was in love with her- and it didn’t matter if she was boy or a girl or neither or both. Jongin just wanted to be with her, always.

Head spinning with the weight of that realization, Jongin followed Tae through the park, heart thumping hard in her chest.

Did Tae feel the same?

Jongin knew that she had to find out. But not yet. She wasn’t ready. 

Just getting to watch the way the sun made Tae’s hair shine and her eyes sparkle as she told Jongin about a role she hoped to get was enough. 

That was enough for now.

 

\---

 

Jongin moaned, flushed and wanting, as she lay on Tae’s bed. Lips pressing and Tae’s hands kneading her bare breasts, she was aching. Her underwear was on the floor with the rest of her clothes, and Tae had peeled off her own shirt and pants and was left in just her underwear. 

“What do you want, Jongin?” Tae asked, sitting up so she was straddling Jongin’s hips and looking down at her. 

Teeth sinking into her thick lower lip and blonde hair falling into her eyes, Tae looked absolutely sinful, and Jongin’s body throbbed to know that it was Tae who would be the one to make her come...and vise versa. 

“I want to-” Jongin started, embarrassed and a little worried that Tae would be against the idea, though she couldn’t imagine why. “Can I finger you?”

Tae was obviously surprised by the request with the way her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. But Jongin felt the full body shiver that went through her at Jongin’s words. 

She was nodding before she spoke. “Yeah, fuck. Yeah, you can finger me. Fuck. Jongin, are you sure? You don’t have to. I-”

“I want to,” Jongin interrupted, feeling a little braver with how much Tae seemed like she wanted it. 

“Okay,” Tae breathed, climbing off Jongin to lay down next to her.

Turning to face her, Jongin accepted the kiss Tae pressed to her mouth- deep and eager, but gentle as she cradled Jongin’s cheek in her palm. 

“We can...at the same time?” Tae suggested, and Jongin had never seen Tae seem hesitant during sex before. 

Jongin nodded and hooked her fingers in the elastic of Tae’s underwear where it cut into her hip.

“Off?” Tae asked, like Jongin might have preferred them on despite the fact that she’d just said she wanted to finger her.

“Yeah,” Jongin said, watching as Tae lifted her hips and pushed the fabric down her legs. 

Jongin had caught glimpses of Tae naked from the waist down when she was putting her harness on or taking it off, but she’d never really looked before. Partly because she had been trying not to impolitely stare and partly because she wasn’t sure she wanted to. Now she was sure that she did. 

There wasn’t much to see, since she wasn’t crouched between her spread legs or anything (the thought had Jongin flushing, but one thing at a time). At the apex of her slender thighs, there was a triangle of dark hair, maybe trimmed a little, but mostly just natural. Tae shaved her armpits and her legs because she found hair growing there to be itchy, but Jongin had known that she didn’t shave _everything_ from the glances she’d gotten before. Even though Jongin usually shaved or at least trimmed a lot, she didn’t mind that Tae didn’t. It was her body, and she just felt privileged that Tae was allowing her to touch…

Tae’s eyes were hesitant, but so dark when she looked at Jongin, scooting closer and pressing a knee between Jongin’s thighs. 

It was familiar to have Tae’s fingers against her arousal, but it didn't mean that Jongin didn't gasp at the first touch, hips jerking to try to get more.

But even the throb of her body as Tae stroked against her wasn't enough to make her forget what she wanted to do- was determined to do.

Tae’s legs widened when Jongin’s hand brushed against the skin of her thighs.

Tae was warm against her fingertips- not entirely foreign feeling since Jongin was no stranger to her own body, but it was still a different experience to be touching someone else. 

When she touched herself, she was naturally more focused on the sensation the contact brought than what her fingers were feeling, but exploring Tae’s arousal, she was thinking about how wet she was and how easy the slide of her fingertips was with the slickness coating her folds.

Tae was this wet from kissing Jongin, from touching her, from the knowledge that Jongin’s hands were going to be what got her off. She throbbed against Jongin’s fingertips, gasping in Jongin’s ear when she circled her middle finger around Tae’s clit. 

“Jongin,” Tae murmured, lips dragging against Jongin’s neck and fingers starting to move faster against her. 

Having been so focused on the experience of touching Tae, Jongin had nearly forgotten about herself, but as Tae moaned softly, she rubbed Jongin’s clit just how she knew Jongin liked and Jongin had to fight not to let her own hand go slack as she trembled with how good it felt. 

But she wanted Tae to be as consumed by pleasure as she was. She wanted her to feel just as good because of _her_. So she tried to match Tae’s pace, encouraged when Tae’s fingers dug into Jongin’s shoulder where she was holding on. 

“Fuck, Jongin, _oh_ ,” Tae groaned, and Jongin shivered at the sound of Tae saying her name like that- so breathless and overwhelmed. There was no one else making Tae feel like this. It was only her. It was Jongin and Tae knew it- was letting Jongin stroke her and make her fall apart. 

Two of Tae’s fingers slid into her and Jongin clenched around them, muscles pulling taut and nerves buzzing far too soon. 

As she did her best to hold off her orgasm, Jongin wondered if it would make Tae come faster if she fucked her with her fingers as well. But since it had always been Tae fucking Jongin, she didn’t know if that was how Tae got off. Besides, if the way she was desperately humping against Jongin’s hand as well a she could in her position was anything to go by, she was getting close as well. 

Jongin could feel the way Tae’s clit was pulsing against her fingertips and the way wetness kept accumulating at her opening until Tae’s thighs were slick with it. She was close and Jongin was going to make her come. She was going to make Tae come from her fingers. 

Letting out a helpless moan at the thought, Jongin clamped down hard on Tae’s fingers and felt her orgasm slam into her at full force. 

The pleasure vibrated through her and Jongin could do nothing but gasp and let the waves of her release wash over her as Tae kissed against her jaw and worked her through it, little murmurs of encouragement stoking the flames under Jongin’s skin until she was wrung out. 

But Tae grinding against her weakly moving fingers had Jongin quickly snapping to and doing her best to help Tae find her release as well. 

“ _Oh_ , Jongin, _fuck_ ,” Tae breathed, voice trembling and fingers still lightly rubbing against Jongin’s arousal. “I’m so close. Gonna come. Oh fuck.”

Jongin blinked past the dregs of pleasure still clouding her senses in time to see Tae’s blown eyes focused on hers before Tae’s head tipped back and she cried out- clit twitching against Jongin’s swiftly moving fingertips and her thighs clamping down around Jongin’s hand. 

Breathlessly, Jongin watched Tae come against her fingers, from her touches. It was so, so heady, and she wasn’t even the one wracked by orgasm. 

With Tae coming for her, Jongin was struck with the thought that she always wanted to be the one to make Tae feel good like this, and that was an even headier realization.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Tae swore as her orgasm ebbed, Jongin gentling her touches like she did for herself and hoping that Tae liked the same. “That was fucking incredible.”

Despite herself, Jongin blushed, heart picking up at the kiss Tae pressed to her lips. 

“Seriously, Jongin,” Tae murmured against her lips, “that was so fucking good.”

The praise had Jongin’s heart singing and her body giving an interested throb. 

Seeing Tae come for her like that...it had inspired more than just possession and fondness. 

Tae’s fingers were still against her, though unmoving, and Jongin could feel the little zips of want rocket through her when they brushed against her.

Lips still moving with Jongin’s, Tae went to remove her hand from between Jongin’s legs, but Jongin tightened her thighs around Tae’s wrist and whined in the back of her throat instinctively. She felt like she could come again, an itch under her skin that hadn’t quite let up.

Pulling back, Tae quirked a brow. 

“I need to, please,” Jongin begged, embarrassed, but aroused enough that she was willing to put her pride aside for what she wanted. 

Upon confirmation of what Jongin was after, Tae’s eyes darkened- fingers pressing intentionally against Jongin’s still swollen clit.

“You’re gonna come again?” Tae teased, voice low and lips pulled sideways in a sinful smirk. 

The words sent a bolt of lust through her, and Jongin whimpered helplessly, pressing her face into Tae’s neck and feeling how quickly the pleasure was accumulating from Tae’s teasing touches. 

Her clit was already trembling against Tae’s fingers, and a second orgasm loomed over Jongin, closing in on her and making it hard to breathe. 

“You gonna come for me?” Tae asked, breath warm against her ear as she rubbed Jongin’s clit in earnest. 

With a surge of pleasure intense enough that it had Jongin’s hips lurching off the bed, she came again- Tae’s name caught in her throat and head getting light from the sensations running through her. 

Tae was relentless, stroking against her incessantly until the orgasm had crested three times and Jongin was swearing under her breath as she tried to ease herself down.

“God, Jongin,” Tae said reverently, finally slowing her fingers and soothing against Jongin’s throbbing body before taking her hand away completely. “That was so fucking sexy.”

Goosebumps erupted over Jongin’s skin, feeling herself flush and reminding herself that she didn’t have it in her right then to get off again.

Instead, she just kissed Tae, pulling her in by the back of the neck and wishing she could just absorb into her body with how overwhelmed with feeling for the other girl she felt. 

Tae’s arms wrapped around her, holding her close as she kissed back- humming in her throat and stroking along Jongin’s back.

Like this, it was simple. Everything was perfect, and Jongin didn’t have to worry that Tae might not have been feeling as intensely as she was. 

Like this, it felt like they were on the same page and that there was so more between them than just friendship and sex. 

Eventually, they would have to move, get up, clean up.

Eventually, they would have to talk.

But right then, Jongin was content to feel everything she hadn’t been ready to acknowledge before. She was just happy to be there, wrapped up in her best friend, in her pillar of support, in her roommate, in her lover, in her favorite person on earth, in the woman she was in love with. 

Right then, Jongin just let herself feel.

 

\---

 

Jongin nudged the dishwasher closed with her hip before turning and making her way back to the couch.

“Dishwasher unloaded!” she announced, flopping down onto the couch next to Tae with a satisfied huff. “Now we can watch that movie you wanted to see, guilt free! Well...I guess I have to do laundry still. And you said you had to put your sheets back on the bed. But we can do that later or something. Maybe tomorrow.”

Jongin looked to Tae to see how she felt about that.

But Tae wasn’t nodding in agreement like Jongin expected. She also wasn’t getting up to get her chores done first. 

Instead, she was just...looking at Jongin- staring at her like she held the key to the meaning of life. 

The intensity of her gaze had Jongin feeling self conscious. 

“What?” she asked chuckling a little uneasily and patting at her hair even though she knew that Tae wasn’t looking at her like that because of something as inconsequential as her hair. 

“What are you doing?” Tae asked, voice serious and brows pinched.

Jongin tensed at the uncharacteristic tone of Tae’s voice. Tae was serious when she was practicing for an audition or a performance. She was somber when she failed to get a callback for a gig she really wanted. She was even sentimental on occasion. But this...looking at Jongin like she didn’t know what was going on in Jongin’s head- she _always_ knew. 

“I- watching a movie with you? Maybe?” Jongin tried, knowing that that must not have been what Tae meant, but also not knowing what else to say.

Tae shook her head, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “No, I mean. What are _we_ doing? What _are_ we?”

Jongin knew what she meant then, heart racing and mouth opening as though to speak, but unable to get any words out. What if she ruined everything? What answer was Tae looking for? This felt too huge. Jongin wasn’t ready. She wasn’t-

“I mean, I know it started as just a fun thing because you were complaining about not getting laid, but lately…” Tae said before cutting herself off and starting a new thought. “I just- I didn’t know if you’d even want to because- but now you’ve...you kissed me.” Tae stopped, looking away before fixing Jongin with her gaze again. “In the park. You kissed me.”

Nodding, Jongin tried to figure out what to say.

At least, it seemed that both of them could agree that what had transpired between them lately was not typical of a friends with benefits situation. That was comforting, to know that Tae had noticed the change too. But there was always the chance that she wanted to put a stop to it since it had gone out of the realm of...whatever it was supposed to be.

“And with you wanting me to eat you out...and asking to finger me, I-” Tae blew out a breath. “I mean, I never dreamed you’d want that, and I just- I don’t know how I’m supposed to be feeling? Do you- you’re straight? I mean. I don’t want to challenge you, but...are you?”

Tae was biting her lip as she waited for Jongin to answer, looking nervous and unsure and everything Jongin was sure was written on her own face.

“Yes?” she tried, because she was straight...mostly. Tae’s browed creased, shoulders tense. “Well. I mean. Yes, but...I’m...I’m attracted to you, too. Boys and...you.”

Jongin could feel her cheeks burning at the admission. Despite having fingered Tae the day before, this somehow seemed like a much bigger deal, just...saying it out loud. Obviously she was attracted to her. But to say so made it...real. 

Tae was nodding slowly, like she’d maybe kind of figured.

“Me...as in me as a boy?” Tae asked- understandably considering the way things had started. But now…

“I fingered you,” Jongin huffed out on a nervous laugh, ears hot and heart pounding. “So not you as a boy. Just...you.”

Letting out what sounded like a relieved breath, Tae seemed to relax a little- maybe comforted to know that she hadn’t been imagining things. 

There was so much more to say, Jongin knew, but those admissions were even scarier.

“Okay, but,” Tae said after a moment, looking back to Jongin with the same determined set to her brows, “what are we doing? What are we? I mean, it’s fun, but I can’t just always be at your beck and call when you’re between boyfriends. I don’t want to rely on this. I shouldn’t be turning down dates for this. I-”

“You’ve turned down dates?” Jongin asked, a mix of emotions rising in her chest.

On the one hand, Tae had, for some reason, decided that she wasn’t interested in other girls because of Jongin. But at the same time, it was a reminder of how easily Tae could slip away from her. All it took was a yes when someone showed interest and Tae could be gone. Gwiboon had so suddenly become a part of their lives. That could happen again. The thought of Tae with someone else now had Jongin’s throat feeling tight. 

“I’ve…” Tae started, flushing. “Yeah. I have. I mean, knowing that there’s so little chance that I’ll get along with them as well as you. Or be more attracted to them than you. I just...haven’t wanted to go out with anyone else when you’re here, but you won’t always be. I just. I need to…” Tae shook her head, lips twisting. 

“But I will be!” Jongin interjected, feeling like Tae was seconds away from telling Jongin they had to take a step back. She didn’t _want_ to take a step back. She wanted to take a step _forward_. “I _will_ always be here.”

Tae’s lips quirked, but her eyes were sad. “I don’t mean as a friend, Jongin.”

Jongin swallowed. This was it. She had to tell Tae how she felt. If didn’t feel the same then...well, Jongin would deal with that then. But if she did…

“I don’t either,” Jongin said quietly, body buzzing with adrenaline at the admission. 

Tae went from looking resigned to looking confused.

“I don’t mean as a friend, either,” Jongin reiterated, gripping her own knees tightly to keep her hands from shaking. “I think-” Jongin stopped, shaking her head and starting again. “I want to be with you. I’m...in love with you.”

It took a beat, but then Tae’s eyes widened, lips parted and brows lifted as the weight of what Jongin said dawned on her. 

She’d said it. It was out there. It was a relief in some ways, to set free the feelings that had been building up over the past few months, maybe even years. But it was terrifying as well. This could have Tae putting the brakes on just as fast as if she thought Jongin was likely to drop her any second for a guy. Jongin didn’t know what Tae wanted from her, but at least Tae now knew how Jongin was feeling. 

Somehow, just saying those words that had been trapped in her throat had tears swimming in Jongin’s eyes- the emotions too much for her to handle.

When Jongin cried over sad movies, Tae never held back from teasing her- even going so far as to snap a picture on her phone of Jongin tearfully watching the love interest in a movie slowly die.

But then, upon seeing the tears start to roll down Jongin’s cheeks, Tae was scooting over and pulling Jongin into her chest- arms wrapped tightly around her as she made soothing noises against the crown of Jongin’s head. 

The confusion, the denial, the overwhelming affection she felt for Tae- all of that poured out as she cried, unable to stop until her eyes felt puffy and her knew her nose must have been bright red. She felt better as her tears slowed and she took a deep breath. But the conversation wasn’t over Jongin still had no idea where she stood or how Tae felt. 

“Why are you crying?” Tae asked softly, gently brushing Jongin’s hair out of her eyes as she sat up to look at Tae again. 

Jongin shrugged, sniffling and wiping at the wetness on her cheeks that was starting to dry and make her skin feel too tight. 

“It’s just...a lot,” she finally answered, voice rough from crying. 

Tae nodded, stroking soothingly along Jongin’s back.

“I have to know,” Tae said after a few moments. “What does that mean for you? Being...in love with me...you date men. What do you want, Jongin?”

Jongin frowned, eyes finding Tae’s. “What do you mean? I love you. Even though I usually date men, I- why does that make a difference?”

“I just need to know if if you would really want to be with me long term,” Tae explained, gaze steady on Jongin’s even as she bit into her lower lip nervously. “I- I’ve been in love with you for years. Since college.” Tae glanced away, a flush spreading across her cheeks. “I never did anything about it because I never thought you could- Do you really want this? Me?”

Jongin knew that Tae was going to tease her later for being so emotional because there were tears streaming down her cheeks again, but she couldn’t help it. All this time- even before they’d started fooling around, Tae had had feelings for her. And Jongin hadn’t had any idea. All this time…

When they had sex, Tae wasn’t just there to get off. When she swooped in to save Jongin from unwanted attention from men in bars, some of that possession was real. Tae had been wanting Jongin to be hers all this time.

And now, Jongin wanted to be hers. 

Jongin _was_ hers. 

Jongin _had_ been hers, even if she hadn’t realized it.

“Yes, I want you. I want to be with you,” Jongin sobbed, hand cradling the back of Tae’s neck and holding eye contact- able to see the way Tae’s eyes were starting to get shiny. “I really love you. Please be mine, just mine. I don’t want anyone else.”

Tae was nodding as a tear slipped down her cheek, lips trembling a little as they parted. “I have always been yours, Jongin.”

The kiss they shared then was so soft, so intimate. Just lips moving gently together- every brush sending shivers over Jongin’s skin. 

Eyes still glassy with unshed tears, Tae pulled back just to look at Jongin’s face, lips spreading in a smile even as more tears fell.

She was stunning, and Jongin laughing disbelievingly along with her, everything seeming surreal and nearly too good to be true.

But with Tae’s arms wrapped around her, Jongin felt like she was right where she needed to be.

 

\---

 

“You really don't have to,” Tae said for possibly the tenth time since Jongin had told Tae what she wanted to do, huffed against Tae’s lips as they’d been kissing- Jongin backed up against the wall of their entryway.

“I want to try,” Jongin insisted, watching as Tae wiggled out of her sports bra before leaning back against the pillows again. 

“Well, no pressure,” Tae told her, though the way her breath trembled out of her as Jongin pressed a kiss between her breasts gave away how much she liked the idea.

Truthfully, Jongin was a little intimidated by it. She had no idea what she was doing aside from being on the receiving end, and Tae was so exceptionally _good_. But she knew Tae knew all of that. And any teasing would be good natured.

Jongin didn’t know if she was going to like it, but there was only one way to find out.

She just wanted make Tae feel as good as she made Jongin feel, which didn't sound particularly self serving, but Jongin also really wanted to hear Tae say her name on a helpless moan as Jongin drove her mad with pleasure. 

That was the thought that pushed her forward as she kissed down Tae’s abdomen, soft with hard muscle underneath, trembling with every touch of her lips.

Level with the waistband of Tae's underwear, Jongin scooted down and pressed a finger against her through the fabric. Tae’s hips twitched and Jongin shivered at how wet Tae was already. Just from kissing her. Maybe from anticipation, too. 

But to know that Tae wanted her so much- it had Jongin throbbing.

When Jongin hooked her fingers in the waistband of Tae’s underwear, Tae lifted her hips and allowed Jongin to pull them down. 

Even though she’d never been face to face with Tae’s pussy before, the scent of her was familiar- the proof of her arousal having flooded the air when they'd had sex. 

Tae was slick and pink, and Jongin didn’t hesitate to drag her fingers against her and watch the way her body pulsed in response to the touch.

“This isn’t gonna last very long,” Tae warned, peering down her body at Jongin.

“But I haven’t even done anything yet,” Jongin said, huffing out a laugh.

“I know, but just the idea,” Tae broke off in a groan, and Jongin felt a bolt of arousal travel through her.

To have Tae so worked up from just the _thought_ of her mouth on her- it just made Jongin even more determined than she had been before.

Getting settled on her belly, Jongin spread Tae open with two fingers and dipped her head.

She started with a tentative lick against Tae’s clit, a strangled gasp sounding above her. Vaginas didn't taste great or anything, but they definitely weren’t worse than dicks. Plus, this was Tae and she wanted nothing more than to do this for her. For herself, too.

Jongin was pretty sure she’d never been so invested in the act of oral sex before because she'd never been so determined to take apart her lover piece by piece until only she could put them back together again.

When she flattened her tongue and dragged it more purposefully against Tae's arousal, Tae was grabbing onto the back of her head- hips pressing forward and thighs tensing on either side of Jongin.

“Jongin,” Tae breathed, a plead in her voice. 

She pulsed against Jongin’s lips when she pressed them against Tae’s clit, and Jongin felt her own arousal throb, panties sticking to her with how turned on she was.

Jongin had never expected to be aching and wet from eating a girl out, but here she was and she certainly didn't want to be anywhere else at that moment.

Tae’s fingers threaded through Jongin's hair, urging her on as she teased her with her tongue.

“ _Oh fuck_ ,” Tae whimpered, fluttering against Jongin’s mouth as her fingers dug into Jongin’s scalp. “Oh _fuck_. I told you I wouldn’t last long. I’m close. _Fuck_.”

Being able to wreck Tae like this had Jongin dizzy, tongue flicking against Tae’s clit as she listened to Tae curse and moan her name.

With a squeal that cut itself off into a choked groan, Tae’s thighs squeezed around Jongin’s head and she came against her mouth- twitching and pulsing- as she shuddered against the mattress.

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Tae whined when she’d stopped jerked up toward Jongin’s face. “ _Fuck_. That wasn’t supposed to be so quick.”

Jongin couldn’t help but smile kind of proudly at that, sitting up and wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. 

“I’ve gotten off thinking about that so many times,” Tae went on before her eyes widened comically and she slapped a hand over her mouth. “Maybe I shouldn’t tell you things like that.”

Brows jumping, Jongin couldn’t help her curiosity. “Maybe you should.”

Tae sighed, pouting . “I _might_ have thought about your mouth when I masturbated a few times in college,” she confessed, embarrassed giggle almost escaping. “And quite a bit recently.”

Jongin was pretty sure she was gaping, but to think that Tae had been that into her, even back then… Maybe she would have been thrown off knowing that at the time- okay, she definitely _would_ have been- but now, that knowledge was like gasoline poured on the fire that was already licking at her insides. 

Thinking of Tae imagining her and getting herself off had Jongin lunging forward and kissing Tae messily. She didn’t even consider the fact that Tae must have been able to taste herself. Though apparently she didn’t mind if the way she was sucking enthusiastically on Jongin’s tongue was any indicator. It seemed like she liked it, which had Jongin swallowing a groan and pressing the damp crotch of her panties to Tae’s thigh.

“Underwear off,” Tae instructed, pulled back from the kiss with a wet smack. “And scoot up.”

Jongin wiggled out of the sodden material and moved up a little, but she was surprised when Tae’s hands hooked around the backs of her thighs and yanked her up so she was straddling her chest.

“More,” Tae said, scootching down herself as Jongin scooted up and _oh_.

The realization of what was happening came too late for Jongin to prepare for Tae’s tongue against her folds. Bracing her hands against the wall at the head of the bed, Jongin could do nothing but let her chin drop to her chest as Tae clutched at her ass and licked into her pussy like she wanted to consume her.

Tae’s nimble tongue and plush lips working against her had Jongin coming undone in record time. 

She felt like Tae had only just started when her body tensed and she only barely had a chance to get out a breathless whine of _gonna_ before her release swept her up and wrung her out- hips pressing down desperately as Tae worked her tongue against her and drew out the pleasure until Jongin’s feet were numb and her thighs were trembling enough that she was in danger of collapsing.

With shaking muscles, Jongin eased herself down on the bed next to Tae, not minding when Tae pressed a kiss to her lips that tasted like her. 

“Was it okay?” Tae asked after a minute of soft and sweet kisses, the scent of sex notwithstanding. 

Jongin snorted. “More than okay. I still can’t feel my toes.”

Tae rolled her eyes, laughing. “ _No_. I know the orgasm was good. I mean...eating me out?”

“Oh,” Jongin giggled. “That was good, too.”

“Really?” Tae wanted to know. “Because it’s okay if it wasn’t. I know you don’t like pussy generally…”

“I like _your_ pussy,” Jongin countered, blushing a little to have made such a statement, but mostly just laughing at how it seemed to fluster Tae.

“Well, that’s good to hear,” Tae wheezed, chuckling and pressing her face into Jongin’s neck.

Jongin hummed, content.

“I like your pussy, too,” Tae added. “By the way.”

“I noticed,” Jongin said, huffing out a laugh.

But then Tae’s fingers were dancing down her stomach and-

“Oh no,” Jongin whined, body throbbing in interest when Tae cupped her between her thighs.

Tae propped herself up on her elbow to watch Jongin’s face as she slid a finger against Jongin’s still swollen and sensitive clit. “Oh _yes_.”

Tae smirked. 

Jongin was doomed.

But she wasn’t really complaining.

 

\---

 

“Ha _ha_ ,” Minho exclaimed as he and Tae made their way back to their regular booth from playing darts. “Victory!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tae waved him off, scooting in next to Jongin. 

“Admit that I’m a better darts player than you,” he taunted, gulping the last of his beer before going back to gloating.

“I win, like, half the time though,” Tae argued, scowling across the table.

“I don’t know about _that_ ,” he said, competitive nature knowing no bounds with a few beers in his system. 

“I do!” Tae insisted, looking to the rest of the table for support, but Sehun and Joonmyun weren't paying any attention to the squabbling between Tae and Minho.

Jongin shrugged. “I don’t keep track.”

“You’re seriously not gonna take my side?” Tae whined, pouting adorably at Jongin and knowingly tugging at her heart strings.

Melted by Tae's puppy eyes, Jongin accepted a kiss from her girlfriend- lessening the sting of a loss against Minho at least.

When she pulled back, Tae was puckering her lips for another kiss.

Jongin sighed, but truthfully didn’t mind getting pulled into another lip lock that lasted a little longer that time.

A camera shutter sound effect is what had them finally breaking apart to find Sehun grinning mischievously with her phone held up.

“Did you just take a picture?” Jongin complained, cheeks heating when she realized that the eyes of all their friends were on them.

“You guys are just so _cute_ ,” Sehun teased, turning her phone around so they could see the picture. It actually _was_ pretty cute.

“Can you send that to me?” Tae asked, leaning across Jongin to get a closer look. “I want to post it to my instagram.”

“Sure,” Sehun said with a laugh as Jongin sunk into Tae's side, self conscious from the attention.

“You owe me a drink,” Minho reminded Tae, not so concerned with their public displays of affection.

He’d been happy for them when Tae had told him that they were dating, but he definitely hadn’t been as excited as Sehun who had claimed to have known for years that there was the potential for more than just friendship between Jongin and Tae. Jongin wasn’t sure if she really believed that Sehun had known since they were in college, but it didn’t really matter. Jongin was just glad that all of their friends were okay with their relationship and not weirded out, or something. 

“Fine,” Tae conceded, turning Minho’s empty beer bottle toward her so she could see the label. “Anyone else want something?”

“Gin and tonic?” Joonmyun requested, handing a bill over to Tae across the table.

“Come with me?” Tae prompted, looking at Jongin imploringly. 

Jongin slouched back in her seat as though she didn’t want to go, laughing loudly when Tae hauled her out of the booth by her hand. She’d been planning on tagging along, anyway. 

“You want another beer?” Tae asked, turning to Jongin when they got to the bar and only letting go of her hand to try to flag down the bartender. 

Jongin admired the way the dim light highlighted the line of Tae’s nose and bounced off the apples of her cheeks. Tae’s eyes shone as they looked at her, and Jongin wondered how she hadn’t noticed the tender way Tae always regarded her sooner. 

Now, it had butterflies erupting in her stomach even though Tae was literally only asking her if she wanted a beer.

“Okay,” Jongin agreed, nodding and trying to swallow down her fluttering heart. She could get all mushy on Tae when they got home. And while some amount of affection in public was alright, Jongin didn’t want to push it. 

“What?” Tae laughed, obviously having caught Jongin’s soppy look. Tae smiled and brushed her thumb across Jongin’s cheek before she turned to the bartender to put in their drink orders. 

Jongin could feel her cheeks burning, the place where Tae had touched tingling. She was in so deep. But that was okay because Tae was, too.

Sometimes, when they were just laying in bed together, whether it was after sex or when they were getting ready to go to sleep, Tae would cup her face and look into her eyes like she could see down into her soul. And then she’d tell her she loved her, voice soft and fingers gentle, and it was like Jongin could feel Tae’s sincerity in her bones. She’d never felt so treasured before.

Of course, she told Tae that she loved her too- first thing in the morning when neither of them were awake yet, when she came home from work and wanted nothing more than to just feel Tae’s arms around her, when Tae was driving Jongin to orgasm with her fingers. Jongin hoped that Tae could sense how much she meant it, too.

“Hey, can I buy you a drink?”

Jongin turned around to see a decently attractive man standing beside her with a winning smile on his face. Instinctively, Jongin felt herself get anxious- not liking strangers or small talk or saying no to people. But then, she knew what she had to do. With a burst of determination, Jongin grabbed Tae’s hand and pulled her to her side.

“Sorry, my girlfriend actually just bought me one,” she said, feeling Tae squeeze her hand to let her know she was there and ready to fight this guy off if he didn’t take that as his cue to leave.

Fortunately, he was a reasonable human and quickly apologized, heading to the other end of the bar after a look at their clasped hands.

Tae was grinning when Jongin turned to her.

“I’m so proud!” she exulted, pulling Jongin in for a celebratory kiss. “You told him to go away on your own!”

“Not _totally_ on my own,” Jongin hedged, smiling anyway and feeling pretty good about herself. 

“Love you,” Tae murmured as she leaned in for another soft kiss, one that had Jongin’s heart skipping even though it was completely chaste. 

Jongin was just so in love.

Maybe (definitely) Jongin hadn’t ever thought she’d want to date a girl, but it wasn’t even really about that. 

All that mattered was that she was Jongin, Tae was Tae, and they’d found happiness in each other.

Tae pushed Jongin’s beer into her hand and grinned. 

Yeah, they had all they needed.

**Author's Note:**

> \- Title from Alaska Thunderfvck's _Pussy_ which sounds super crude, but it actually extremely sweet.  
>  \- Thank you to Jen for looking over this for me!!!! ♥  
> \- Follow me on [tumblr](http://g-odalisque13.tumblr.com) if you are so inclined~  
> \- Comments are always appreciated!


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